To Oneself Be True
The H.E.A.R.T. of Standing in Your Authentic Power
Wendy Firmin-Price, UK
When did you last betray yourself?
Think about it. When was the last time you said "yes" when you meant "no," smiled to keep the peace while your insides screamed, or shrank into silence because speaking your truth felt too risky?
Would you agree that we are all now living in a world that often pressures us to conform, follow the norm and not buck (pun intended) against the system? Sadly, this betrayal can become second nature, so subtle that you hardly notice until its effects catch up with you. But deep down, you know that every compromise chips away at your self-esteem, your confidence, and your ability to stand in your power.
So, the timeless adage "To thine own self be true," whilst probably resonating deeply at the soul level, can feel daunting to find the safe way to implement in reality.
In my experience, most people dislike confrontation. If you were never encouraged or shown a healthy way to be and express yourself as you were growing up, the chances are you learnt that being honest or trying to speak up for yourself against parents, teachers, or authority probably got you into trouble!! More often than not, that may have been the very time when you lost your voice or learnt it was not safe to speak up, for fear of punishment, rejection and maybe even abandonment.
So how can you get back to being your authentic self, a vital ingredient in living a fulfilled life?
How can you seal the leaks to your energy and stop giving your power away safely?
Think about it. When was the last time you said "yes" when you meant "no," smiled to keep the peace while your insides screamed, or shrank into silence because speaking your truth felt too risky?
Would you agree that we are all now living in a world that often pressures us to conform, follow the norm and not buck (pun intended) against the system? Sadly, this betrayal can become second nature, so subtle that you hardly notice until its effects catch up with you. But deep down, you know that every compromise chips away at your self-esteem, your confidence, and your ability to stand in your power.
So, the timeless adage "To thine own self be true," whilst probably resonating deeply at the soul level, can feel daunting to find the safe way to implement in reality.
In my experience, most people dislike confrontation. If you were never encouraged or shown a healthy way to be and express yourself as you were growing up, the chances are you learnt that being honest or trying to speak up for yourself against parents, teachers, or authority probably got you into trouble!! More often than not, that may have been the very time when you lost your voice or learnt it was not safe to speak up, for fear of punishment, rejection and maybe even abandonment.
So how can you get back to being your authentic self, a vital ingredient in living a fulfilled life?
How can you seal the leaks to your energy and stop giving your power away safely?
The Cost of Betraying Yourself
Let’s take a quick look at a few of the consequences of not living your truth.
The most obvious one is you are not experiencing inner peace. You are very conflicted on the inside, probably having imaginary arguments and wishing you could have said or done something different.
Your self-esteem is lowered, your self-confidence is eroding, and you are probably being very hard on yourself, especially when you didn’t stand up for yourself.
You are likely to be experiencing underlying anxiety, maybe feeling unsafe most of the time, or perhaps you have gotten caught up in the coping strategy of people-pleasing in order to feel loved, accepted and approved of. You probably have the mindset that the more you do for people, the less likely they will reject or abandon you.
Interestingly, when clients arrive with these beliefs and feelings, it’s fascinating how commonly they feel scared of being around the horses, initially. Frequently their interaction with the horses shows these individuals where they have no personal boundaries, where they are desperate to be liked, or their whole manner reveals to the horses their inability to communicate their real needs.
The horses are never being disrespectful; they are just responding to the energy being given out. When people see this, they quickly learn that standing in their power is not about aggression or force but more about coming from an inner power.
Let’s take a quick look at a few of the consequences of not living your truth.
The most obvious one is you are not experiencing inner peace. You are very conflicted on the inside, probably having imaginary arguments and wishing you could have said or done something different.
Your self-esteem is lowered, your self-confidence is eroding, and you are probably being very hard on yourself, especially when you didn’t stand up for yourself.
You are likely to be experiencing underlying anxiety, maybe feeling unsafe most of the time, or perhaps you have gotten caught up in the coping strategy of people-pleasing in order to feel loved, accepted and approved of. You probably have the mindset that the more you do for people, the less likely they will reject or abandon you.
Interestingly, when clients arrive with these beliefs and feelings, it’s fascinating how commonly they feel scared of being around the horses, initially. Frequently their interaction with the horses shows these individuals where they have no personal boundaries, where they are desperate to be liked, or their whole manner reveals to the horses their inability to communicate their real needs.
The horses are never being disrespectful; they are just responding to the energy being given out. When people see this, they quickly learn that standing in their power is not about aggression or force but more about coming from an inner power.
Depressed Dina
I am reminded of one of my clients, let’s call her Dina, a high-achieving professional with a large, well-known organisation. She came to our centre after realising she was burnt out from being stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing, perfectionism, and performance anxiety. She described her low feeling of being "like a doormat" at work and even in her personal life. She struggled to speak up for her needs with her friends and partner. Her mental health was at an all-time low. When Dina first approached our horses, her energy was hesitant and scattered. The horses backed away, sensing her lack of boundaries, inauthenticity, and inner conflict.
Her immediate reaction? Tears and fears. “This is exactly how I feel in my life,” she confessed. “Like nobody respects me, nobody hears me, and I just don’t know how to change it.”
Have you ever felt something similar? Feeling unseen, unheard, and unvalued. These are often the clues of not living in your truth. So, how can you get back to living more authentically? One way could be to observe how horses work together in a herd and mix that with the values of living from your HEART.
We use the values of: Harmony, Empathy, Accountability, Respect, and Truth. They serve as a guiding framework for team spirit, personal development, and self-empowerment, mirroring the power found in horse herd dynamics.
I am reminded of one of my clients, let’s call her Dina, a high-achieving professional with a large, well-known organisation. She came to our centre after realising she was burnt out from being stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing, perfectionism, and performance anxiety. She described her low feeling of being "like a doormat" at work and even in her personal life. She struggled to speak up for her needs with her friends and partner. Her mental health was at an all-time low. When Dina first approached our horses, her energy was hesitant and scattered. The horses backed away, sensing her lack of boundaries, inauthenticity, and inner conflict.
Her immediate reaction? Tears and fears. “This is exactly how I feel in my life,” she confessed. “Like nobody respects me, nobody hears me, and I just don’t know how to change it.”
Have you ever felt something similar? Feeling unseen, unheard, and unvalued. These are often the clues of not living in your truth. So, how can you get back to living more authentically? One way could be to observe how horses work together in a herd and mix that with the values of living from your HEART.
We use the values of: Harmony, Empathy, Accountability, Respect, and Truth. They serve as a guiding framework for team spirit, personal development, and self-empowerment, mirroring the power found in horse herd dynamics.
Harmony
Despite being at the top of the food chain in the wild, horses have survived over sixty-four million years. One of the most important ingredients for a stable herd is balanced and harmonious social structures. The power of harmony is clear in how they thrive in an environment where individual and group needs are aligned, and promote a peaceful atmosphere. The herd knows, only too well, that constant conflict not only weakens them as a whole but creates more vulnerability towards their predators.
Similarly, cultivating harmony within yourself and your relationships allows you to experience more emotional stability and effective communication, enabling you to stand authentically in your power.
Let me mention here, that doing things for a quiet life is NOT always a recipe for harmony. If you are going against your truth, you may have avoided confrontation externally, but the price you pay internally will be higher.
Take William: he was the classic henpecked husband when he came to see us. He had always been told that a happy wife was a happy life. However, the problem was started to get worse when her demands got more and more excessive. He had become too afraid to stand up to her because she would throw her weight around angrily. His sense of strong masculinity diminished more and more as he kept doing things for a quiet life. He didn’t want the confrontation as she might leave him. The reality was that he thought he was keeping the peace, but inside he was in such turmoil.
“Have you really got an authentic relationship now?” The coach challenged him.
The horse he was working with, Caesar, whilst big and seemingly powerful was a bag of nerves around William. “Wow, that’s so like me,” he marvelled. In the session, they worked on the fears both of them were feeling. Once William became more honest about the state of his marriage, not only did he find inner peace, but Caesar relaxed in his company as William became more authentic.
In your own life, harmony begins within. Aligning your inner values with your external actions fosters emotional stability and effective communication. However, avoiding confrontation to keep a quiet life often leads to internal discord, which inevitably manifests externally. As I often say:
Despite being at the top of the food chain in the wild, horses have survived over sixty-four million years. One of the most important ingredients for a stable herd is balanced and harmonious social structures. The power of harmony is clear in how they thrive in an environment where individual and group needs are aligned, and promote a peaceful atmosphere. The herd knows, only too well, that constant conflict not only weakens them as a whole but creates more vulnerability towards their predators.
Similarly, cultivating harmony within yourself and your relationships allows you to experience more emotional stability and effective communication, enabling you to stand authentically in your power.
Let me mention here, that doing things for a quiet life is NOT always a recipe for harmony. If you are going against your truth, you may have avoided confrontation externally, but the price you pay internally will be higher.
Take William: he was the classic henpecked husband when he came to see us. He had always been told that a happy wife was a happy life. However, the problem was started to get worse when her demands got more and more excessive. He had become too afraid to stand up to her because she would throw her weight around angrily. His sense of strong masculinity diminished more and more as he kept doing things for a quiet life. He didn’t want the confrontation as she might leave him. The reality was that he thought he was keeping the peace, but inside he was in such turmoil.
“Have you really got an authentic relationship now?” The coach challenged him.
The horse he was working with, Caesar, whilst big and seemingly powerful was a bag of nerves around William. “Wow, that’s so like me,” he marvelled. In the session, they worked on the fears both of them were feeling. Once William became more honest about the state of his marriage, not only did he find inner peace, but Caesar relaxed in his company as William became more authentic.
In your own life, harmony begins within. Aligning your inner values with your external actions fosters emotional stability and effective communication. However, avoiding confrontation to keep a quiet life often leads to internal discord, which inevitably manifests externally. As I often say:
“Conflict on the inside will attract conflict on the outside.” ~Wendyism.
When was the last time you felt truly at peace with yourself?
Empathy
Horses are very adept at sensing and responding to each other’s emotions, strengthening their bonds. By practicing empathy in your life, you can create meaningful connections that enhance your sense of well-being, community, and a supportive environment. However, to be truly empathetic, it’s important to have empathy and compassion for yourself too.
Daniel, a corporate executive, struggled with connecting to others authentically. His interactions with the horses seemed to mirror his challenges; they would walk away whenever he approached. He was quick to berate himself, believing there was something wrong with what he was doing or who he was. During one of the sessions, after a guided exercise focusing on self-compassion and kindsight (kindsight: the ability to look back at a situation with self-kindness), James re-approached the horses with tears in his eyes. This time, the horses stayed.
“I’ve just realised how hard I’ve been on myself,” James confessed. “When I softened, they stayed. It’s like they could feel the shift.” That moment marked a turning point for James, both with the horses and in his relationships, especially with himself. He found a way to empathise with his work colleagues more, which helped them feel more understood. This resulted in a much more harmonious work environment for everyone.
Empathy
Horses are very adept at sensing and responding to each other’s emotions, strengthening their bonds. By practicing empathy in your life, you can create meaningful connections that enhance your sense of well-being, community, and a supportive environment. However, to be truly empathetic, it’s important to have empathy and compassion for yourself too.
Daniel, a corporate executive, struggled with connecting to others authentically. His interactions with the horses seemed to mirror his challenges; they would walk away whenever he approached. He was quick to berate himself, believing there was something wrong with what he was doing or who he was. During one of the sessions, after a guided exercise focusing on self-compassion and kindsight (kindsight: the ability to look back at a situation with self-kindness), James re-approached the horses with tears in his eyes. This time, the horses stayed.
“I’ve just realised how hard I’ve been on myself,” James confessed. “When I softened, they stayed. It’s like they could feel the shift.” That moment marked a turning point for James, both with the horses and in his relationships, especially with himself. He found a way to empathise with his work colleagues more, which helped them feel more understood. This resulted in a much more harmonious work environment for everyone.
“Every time you go against your truth, you betray yourself,
a piece of your HEART breaks and erodes confidence in Self.” ~Wendysim
Accountability
Accountability is crucial for maintaining social order in a herd. Each horse is responsible for its actions and their impact on the group. This is important in order to foster trust among members of the herd. Embracing this sense of accountability in your life empowers you to take responsibility for your choices, leading to personal growth and authentic expression. Equally important is to allow others to be accountable for their choices. However, I don’t want you to hear the word blame for accountability or responsibility. Accountability is NOT beating yourself up or others with the blame game! In horse herds, accountability is essential for building trust and social order. Accountability is not about self-reproach but about recognizing your role in creating change. Each horse’s actions affect the group, fostering a sense of responsibility.
Embracing Accountability
Summer, a young artist, felt stuck in her career. She blamed external circumstances for her lack of progress, the economy, the town she was living in, and even fellow artists.
During her session, her horse, Zowie refused to move as Summer tried to lead her. Frustrated, she exclaimed, “This horse is being so stubborn!”
“Mmm, what or who could that be reflecting?” was the question lovingly posed back to her.
Summer explored how her energy and intentions might affect the situation, both with Zowie and herself. She realised she had been unconsciously resistant and stubborn too about her career. When Summer shifted from blaming the horse to taking accountability for her approach, the horse moved with ease. “It wasn’t the horse holding me back; it was me,” she realised. This breakthrough inspired Summer to take ownership of her artistic journey by changing her beliefs and holding herself accountable for what was happening in her life.
Do you find it easy to blame other people or situations for why your life isn’t working out?
Or do you take the blame too often when others mess up?
How could being more accountable and letting others handle their choices help you?
Accountability is crucial for maintaining social order in a herd. Each horse is responsible for its actions and their impact on the group. This is important in order to foster trust among members of the herd. Embracing this sense of accountability in your life empowers you to take responsibility for your choices, leading to personal growth and authentic expression. Equally important is to allow others to be accountable for their choices. However, I don’t want you to hear the word blame for accountability or responsibility. Accountability is NOT beating yourself up or others with the blame game! In horse herds, accountability is essential for building trust and social order. Accountability is not about self-reproach but about recognizing your role in creating change. Each horse’s actions affect the group, fostering a sense of responsibility.
Embracing Accountability
Summer, a young artist, felt stuck in her career. She blamed external circumstances for her lack of progress, the economy, the town she was living in, and even fellow artists.
During her session, her horse, Zowie refused to move as Summer tried to lead her. Frustrated, she exclaimed, “This horse is being so stubborn!”
“Mmm, what or who could that be reflecting?” was the question lovingly posed back to her.
Summer explored how her energy and intentions might affect the situation, both with Zowie and herself. She realised she had been unconsciously resistant and stubborn too about her career. When Summer shifted from blaming the horse to taking accountability for her approach, the horse moved with ease. “It wasn’t the horse holding me back; it was me,” she realised. This breakthrough inspired Summer to take ownership of her artistic journey by changing her beliefs and holding herself accountable for what was happening in her life.
Do you find it easy to blame other people or situations for why your life isn’t working out?
Or do you take the blame too often when others mess up?
How could being more accountable and letting others handle their choices help you?
Respect
Respect is vital in horse herds, where understanding boundaries and social roles prevents conflict. The power of respect allows horses to coexist peacefully, highlighting the importance of valuing diverse perspectives in their interactions. Nurturing respect enables you to build trusting relationships and strengthen your ability to stand in your authentic power.
Respect is a three-way street, though. You can’t demand respect from others. You can’t earn respect. You have to BE respect. This then evokes the law of cause and effect. What you give out comes back to you. Now, that may not necessarily be from the person you are respecting. They may not respect you.
Here’s the thing. It’s not their responsibility to respect you. First and foremost, respect has to be for yourself. If someone is seemingly disrespecting you, they are either mirroring where you do not respect yourself or, maybe they are providing an opportunity to demonstrate how you could respect yourself better and set your boundaries. Now you are standing in your authentic power.
Respect is vital in horse herds, where understanding boundaries and social roles prevents conflict. The power of respect allows horses to coexist peacefully, highlighting the importance of valuing diverse perspectives in their interactions. Nurturing respect enables you to build trusting relationships and strengthen your ability to stand in your authentic power.
Respect is a three-way street, though. You can’t demand respect from others. You can’t earn respect. You have to BE respect. This then evokes the law of cause and effect. What you give out comes back to you. Now, that may not necessarily be from the person you are respecting. They may not respect you.
Here’s the thing. It’s not their responsibility to respect you. First and foremost, respect has to be for yourself. If someone is seemingly disrespecting you, they are either mirroring where you do not respect yourself or, maybe they are providing an opportunity to demonstrate how you could respect yourself better and set your boundaries. Now you are standing in your authentic power.
“If you don’t make mistakes in your life. You will never learn to get out of strife.” ~Wendyism
Learning Respect
Mia, a teacher, struggled to enforce boundaries in her personal and professional life. She didn’t want to come across as a strict teacher and desperately wanted the kids to like her. Naturally, the consequence was that she had a class full of kids with whom she struggled to maintain authority. During a session, Smartie, the horse, persistently encroached on her space. At first, Mia laughed nervously. “I don’t want to upset him,” she said.
With guidance, Mia learned to assert herself firmly yet calmly. When Smartie stayed out of her space, Mia’s face lit up. “I didn’t have to yell or push; I just had to mean it,” she said. That realisation transformed her approach to setting boundaries with others. She reasoned that if she wanted the students to respect her, she would have to respect herself first and feel she deserved to have her needs met. Her biggest light bulb was noticing how the children felt safer when they had clear boundaries to adhere to.
What are you like with boundaries? Do you follow through with them? Or are they just threats?
How good are you at respecting yourself?
Do you find it easy to still respect others when they have a differing viewpoint?
Mia, a teacher, struggled to enforce boundaries in her personal and professional life. She didn’t want to come across as a strict teacher and desperately wanted the kids to like her. Naturally, the consequence was that she had a class full of kids with whom she struggled to maintain authority. During a session, Smartie, the horse, persistently encroached on her space. At first, Mia laughed nervously. “I don’t want to upset him,” she said.
With guidance, Mia learned to assert herself firmly yet calmly. When Smartie stayed out of her space, Mia’s face lit up. “I didn’t have to yell or push; I just had to mean it,” she said. That realisation transformed her approach to setting boundaries with others. She reasoned that if she wanted the students to respect her, she would have to respect herself first and feel she deserved to have her needs met. Her biggest light bulb was noticing how the children felt safer when they had clear boundaries to adhere to.
What are you like with boundaries? Do you follow through with them? Or are they just threats?
How good are you at respecting yourself?
Do you find it easy to still respect others when they have a differing viewpoint?
Truth
This is the value that underpins the whole adage of to oneself be true and the absolute key to standing in your power authentically. Within a herd, the power of truth is integral to them, as horses communicate openly and honestly. This commitment to truth fosters genuine connections and builds trust. When you can do the same, embracing truth in your life, you cultivate self-awareness and integrity, allowing you to connect more deeply with others and stand confidently in your power.
Anna, a single mother of three, arrived to work with the horses, feeling overwhelmed. She described herself as "always putting others first," yet resentment simmered beneath her cheerful façade. During her first session, the horses kept avoiding her and acting as if she wasn’t there.
“Do you think they sense your disconnect?” I inquired.
She revealed that at home, she was terrified of speaking up and getting her needs met. She feared being judged as a bad mother, that her kids wouldn’t love her, and she worried that people would think she was being selfish.
Over time, Anna learned to pause, breathe, and connect with her true intentions before approaching the horses. By aligning her energy, she created harmony within herself and the horses responded by coming closer. “It’s like magic,” she said, beaming. But it wasn’t magic; it was the power of alignment and being honest. Moreover, when she started believing her needs counted too, she became more authentic at home. At first, this was met with opposition because her kids weren’t used to their mum saying no or putting her requirements first. However, they soon realised that when their mum could fill her cup, they benefitted from having a more loving mum.
Are you living a life that feels true to who you are?
This is the value that underpins the whole adage of to oneself be true and the absolute key to standing in your power authentically. Within a herd, the power of truth is integral to them, as horses communicate openly and honestly. This commitment to truth fosters genuine connections and builds trust. When you can do the same, embracing truth in your life, you cultivate self-awareness and integrity, allowing you to connect more deeply with others and stand confidently in your power.
Anna, a single mother of three, arrived to work with the horses, feeling overwhelmed. She described herself as "always putting others first," yet resentment simmered beneath her cheerful façade. During her first session, the horses kept avoiding her and acting as if she wasn’t there.
“Do you think they sense your disconnect?” I inquired.
She revealed that at home, she was terrified of speaking up and getting her needs met. She feared being judged as a bad mother, that her kids wouldn’t love her, and she worried that people would think she was being selfish.
Over time, Anna learned to pause, breathe, and connect with her true intentions before approaching the horses. By aligning her energy, she created harmony within herself and the horses responded by coming closer. “It’s like magic,” she said, beaming. But it wasn’t magic; it was the power of alignment and being honest. Moreover, when she started believing her needs counted too, she became more authentic at home. At first, this was met with opposition because her kids weren’t used to their mum saying no or putting her requirements first. However, they soon realised that when their mum could fill her cup, they benefitted from having a more loving mum.
Are you living a life that feels true to who you are?
Bringing it all together. How you can help you.
Harmony: recognise where you are out of alignment with your values. Notice if you are having any internal battles. Practice setting clear, calm intentions when engaging with others. Inner peace creates outer peace.
Empathy: learn to extend compassion to yourself as much as you probably do for others. Notice what childhood survival strategies need to be upgraded or disregarded now. Remember to look back with kindsight, especially if you feel you made mistakes.
Be Accountable: begin by owning your choices without blaming yourself if you get consequences you didn’t anticipate. Stop over-apologising and start asserting your needs with grace. Let others be accountable for their choices.
Self- Respect: be clear with your boundaries and follow through. Have respect for other people, but most importantly, give yourself the respect you deserve.
Truth: speak your truth with kindness. Keep your energy calm yet assertive. Live your truth with confidence that it’s right for you. Be truth. Maintain integrity and honesty at all times. Let your word be your bond, especially to yourself.
Standing in your authentic power isn’t about perfection or confrontation, it’s about alignment with your inner truth.
To be true to oneself is a journey marked by the continuous pursuit of authenticity, deeply rooted in the H.E.A.R.T. values. The power of horse herds exemplifies how Harmony, Empathy, Accountability, Respect, and Truth can guide you toward standing in your authentic power. By reflecting on these values and observing their manifestation in equine dynamics, you can learn to navigate life’s complexities with confidence and grace. Then, you have more power to be authentic to yourself and others.
Dina, Anna, William, Daniel, Summer, and Mia; their journeys illustrate the profound power of living from the H.E.A.R.T. These are values that support them living their truth and standing in their authentic power.
The common theme they all had to explore was: to oneself be true.
What will standing in your authentic power look like for you? ~*~
Harmony: recognise where you are out of alignment with your values. Notice if you are having any internal battles. Practice setting clear, calm intentions when engaging with others. Inner peace creates outer peace.
Empathy: learn to extend compassion to yourself as much as you probably do for others. Notice what childhood survival strategies need to be upgraded or disregarded now. Remember to look back with kindsight, especially if you feel you made mistakes.
Be Accountable: begin by owning your choices without blaming yourself if you get consequences you didn’t anticipate. Stop over-apologising and start asserting your needs with grace. Let others be accountable for their choices.
Self- Respect: be clear with your boundaries and follow through. Have respect for other people, but most importantly, give yourself the respect you deserve.
Truth: speak your truth with kindness. Keep your energy calm yet assertive. Live your truth with confidence that it’s right for you. Be truth. Maintain integrity and honesty at all times. Let your word be your bond, especially to yourself.
Standing in your authentic power isn’t about perfection or confrontation, it’s about alignment with your inner truth.
To be true to oneself is a journey marked by the continuous pursuit of authenticity, deeply rooted in the H.E.A.R.T. values. The power of horse herds exemplifies how Harmony, Empathy, Accountability, Respect, and Truth can guide you toward standing in your authentic power. By reflecting on these values and observing their manifestation in equine dynamics, you can learn to navigate life’s complexities with confidence and grace. Then, you have more power to be authentic to yourself and others.
Dina, Anna, William, Daniel, Summer, and Mia; their journeys illustrate the profound power of living from the H.E.A.R.T. These are values that support them living their truth and standing in their authentic power.
The common theme they all had to explore was: to oneself be true.
What will standing in your authentic power look like for you? ~*~
“When you make it true for you, you make it true for them”. ~Wendyism
