Harmony Leads the Way
Horses are Relationship Masters
Suzanne Carter, U.S.A.
My beautiful Harmony left her physical form in November 2021. Her hooves are no longer on my hearth, but who she truly was will always remain in my heart. I especially loved being able to spend time with Harmony when she lived on a thousand-acre ranch in Evergreen, Colorado. I learned so much from her and her forty other herd mates. Their greatest wisdom was around relationships. They truly are relationship masters.
The learning started as soon as she arrived. The ranch manager told me that Harmony would need to be in a large outdoor pen for a day or two while she and the other horses got to know each other over the fence. It was amazing that they could be slow to get to know each other. There was no rush in their world to speed up that process. The horses would come to the fence and sniff her; sometimes she would sniff back, and sometimes they would share a clear little shriek. It was fascinating to watch how they took their time building their relationship.
I learned to simply be with Harmony because our relationship was one of equality. Our feet were and would always be on the ground together, side by side. When I took clients out to be with Harmony, I told them the goal was to be like the horse. Those who stepped into that space of equality experienced a profound transformation, especially in their relationships. Let’s look at twelve reasons why horses are relationship masters.
I learned to simply be with Harmony because our relationship was one of equality. Our feet were and would always be on the ground together, side by side. When I took clients out to be with Harmony, I told them the goal was to be like the horse. Those who stepped into that space of equality experienced a profound transformation, especially in their relationships. Let’s look at twelve reasons why horses are relationship masters.
Rope: We often see a horse being led by a lead rope. Hence the name. If we look at it as a basis for connection, we see that the truest bond is when the rope is loose, with no tension. The truest connection is one of the heart. When the rope is taut, and we are trying to pull life in expected directions; the horses remind us that we can soften the rope at any time. We can find profound relationship when we release the hold or let the rope go altogether, finding the rope to the heart. That is our connection.
In my relationship with Harmony, she understood I only wanted to be with her. Almost every time I visited her, when she saw me, she would come trotting over to say hello. I rarely needed to use the rope. She would happily follow me with my clients, or friends. Some saw it as a mystery in how we could do this without a rope. There was no mystery, just a true connection. In healthy relationships, there is communication, negotiation, and compromise based on the belief that all are equal. With Harmony and I, the rope did not traverse from hand to head but from heart to heart. We lived a true connection of the heart
Elevate: Spending time with the herd offers humans a chance to elevate several aspects of their psyche. One is elevating beyond the ego. I spoke of the rope, and we can bring the idea of that connection in here as well. When we loosen the rope, we loosen the hold on our ego: the hold it has on us and the hold we have on it. If we look at that rope when tight, as holding tension and expectations, we can relinquish the control that ego has us believing we need and elevate ourselves to a new level of consciousness: one that moves past the ego and into the heart.
Harmony and her family reminded us that they always live in a space of pure connection. They do so for their survival and well-being. They do so from a place of presence, authenticity, and honesty. When we observe and adapt those aspects to our lives, we can elevate from a space of fear to a place of love.
Love: Horses are motivated to stay connected for the safety and care of the herd. When we spend time with a herd, we see and feel that deep and abiding love they have for one another. Horses are not meant to live alone but within a community that works together for survival and longevity. Love amongst a herd might not look like it does in the human community, but it is still love. They set clear boundaries and have conflicts. Since they don’t have verbal language, all their communication is through body language. Hence, it looks quite different from what we are used to. Nonetheless, it is a powerful and loving bond that is shared.
I saw this in many ways with Harmony and the herd she called family. One instance involved Harmony’s best friend, Dodie, who was nearing the end of her life. When the day came, Dodie’s human, Debbie, led her out of the main pasture. The rest of the herd stood along the fence, watching Debbie lead Dodie away. Then, starting with Harmony, each member began to neigh, calling to their herd mate, perhaps saying goodbye. Usually, they speak in body language, but this time, they let their voices ring high. We could see that every horse was affected deeply, as were the humans witnessing the moment. We understood their love. The herd was holding Dodie in their hearts to help her pass, sending her the love of the herd.
In my relationship with Harmony, she understood I only wanted to be with her. Almost every time I visited her, when she saw me, she would come trotting over to say hello. I rarely needed to use the rope. She would happily follow me with my clients, or friends. Some saw it as a mystery in how we could do this without a rope. There was no mystery, just a true connection. In healthy relationships, there is communication, negotiation, and compromise based on the belief that all are equal. With Harmony and I, the rope did not traverse from hand to head but from heart to heart. We lived a true connection of the heart
Elevate: Spending time with the herd offers humans a chance to elevate several aspects of their psyche. One is elevating beyond the ego. I spoke of the rope, and we can bring the idea of that connection in here as well. When we loosen the rope, we loosen the hold on our ego: the hold it has on us and the hold we have on it. If we look at that rope when tight, as holding tension and expectations, we can relinquish the control that ego has us believing we need and elevate ourselves to a new level of consciousness: one that moves past the ego and into the heart.
Harmony and her family reminded us that they always live in a space of pure connection. They do so for their survival and well-being. They do so from a place of presence, authenticity, and honesty. When we observe and adapt those aspects to our lives, we can elevate from a space of fear to a place of love.
Love: Horses are motivated to stay connected for the safety and care of the herd. When we spend time with a herd, we see and feel that deep and abiding love they have for one another. Horses are not meant to live alone but within a community that works together for survival and longevity. Love amongst a herd might not look like it does in the human community, but it is still love. They set clear boundaries and have conflicts. Since they don’t have verbal language, all their communication is through body language. Hence, it looks quite different from what we are used to. Nonetheless, it is a powerful and loving bond that is shared.
I saw this in many ways with Harmony and the herd she called family. One instance involved Harmony’s best friend, Dodie, who was nearing the end of her life. When the day came, Dodie’s human, Debbie, led her out of the main pasture. The rest of the herd stood along the fence, watching Debbie lead Dodie away. Then, starting with Harmony, each member began to neigh, calling to their herd mate, perhaps saying goodbye. Usually, they speak in body language, but this time, they let their voices ring high. We could see that every horse was affected deeply, as were the humans witnessing the moment. We understood their love. The herd was holding Dodie in their hearts to help her pass, sending her the love of the herd.
Attention: Horses pay attention. They have a heightened awareness that keeps them in tune with their environment. With some of the largest eyes of land mammals and a hearing range greater than ours, horses can detect sounds as far as four kilometers away. Their ability to hear higher frequencies means they can detect the ultrasonic shriek of a bat, which is inaudible to a person's ear. Due to these abilities, a horse often reacts to something their human is unaware of.* They can pay attention to multiple things or people at once. Each of these aspects of a prey animal assists them in staying safe from predators.
If we want to be in a relationship with someone, we need to offer them our attention. I had parents come into my office in the field and say: “Well, she just needs my attention; she is too needy.” My response: “I agree with nine out of the ten words you just used: take the word “too” away from needy.” We need attention as children to learn who we are. But the truth is, we all need attention from our loved ones. This is one way we know we are loved. Learning from the horses, we see that giving and having attention given is integral to the life of the herd.
Time: Horse-Time is a concept unto itself. It is about giving a relationship the natural time required to grow and evolve. Modern-day society is hurried and often overwhelming due to the speed of technology, and the rate at which information changes. Devices take our attention away from each other. This creates a rushed feeling and a desire for faster results in all we do, which bleeds into our relationships.
Harmony and the herd lived in horse time. When we spent time with them, it would feel like everything slowed. They were always patient with us, and I would encourage people to leave technology behind, deepen their breaths, and be aware of their feet on the ground. The herd would often come over and stand with us, seemingly doing nothing, but really doing so much. It would feel like they could slow time down. Anyone who entered the field landed in horse time and felt a new way of understanding relationships with self and with others. First and foremost, we were asked to slow down and enter a connection of love.
Instinct: Horses rely on their instincts to create safe environments and move away from potential danger. Their instincts are to survive as a herd as they have for millennia. They do this best by being in their herd, with family. Therefore, healthy connection is vital. They know this at such a deep level that they don’t think about or have to learn it. The herd is always quite aware of what the rest of the herd is doing, just like a flock of birds that flies in a murmuration, seemingly knowing exactly what to do; the herd moves in the same manner feeling each other’s energy without question. Each member is highly aware of any changes in the environment, and when they detect a change, they respond. Their communication is part of their instinct.
When I spent time with Harmony in that space of equality, in a grounded state, I could find the space of intuition in myself. I would sink into my body and heart and give my busy mind a rest. Eventually, I could tune into the herd and what they were feeling. I could tune into my body knowledge and instincts. Awareness of our body and energy allows us to become better connected to our human herd. Harmony loved to settle into that space with me and connect through our hearts.
If we want to be in a relationship with someone, we need to offer them our attention. I had parents come into my office in the field and say: “Well, she just needs my attention; she is too needy.” My response: “I agree with nine out of the ten words you just used: take the word “too” away from needy.” We need attention as children to learn who we are. But the truth is, we all need attention from our loved ones. This is one way we know we are loved. Learning from the horses, we see that giving and having attention given is integral to the life of the herd.
Time: Horse-Time is a concept unto itself. It is about giving a relationship the natural time required to grow and evolve. Modern-day society is hurried and often overwhelming due to the speed of technology, and the rate at which information changes. Devices take our attention away from each other. This creates a rushed feeling and a desire for faster results in all we do, which bleeds into our relationships.
Harmony and the herd lived in horse time. When we spent time with them, it would feel like everything slowed. They were always patient with us, and I would encourage people to leave technology behind, deepen their breaths, and be aware of their feet on the ground. The herd would often come over and stand with us, seemingly doing nothing, but really doing so much. It would feel like they could slow time down. Anyone who entered the field landed in horse time and felt a new way of understanding relationships with self and with others. First and foremost, we were asked to slow down and enter a connection of love.
Instinct: Horses rely on their instincts to create safe environments and move away from potential danger. Their instincts are to survive as a herd as they have for millennia. They do this best by being in their herd, with family. Therefore, healthy connection is vital. They know this at such a deep level that they don’t think about or have to learn it. The herd is always quite aware of what the rest of the herd is doing, just like a flock of birds that flies in a murmuration, seemingly knowing exactly what to do; the herd moves in the same manner feeling each other’s energy without question. Each member is highly aware of any changes in the environment, and when they detect a change, they respond. Their communication is part of their instinct.
When I spent time with Harmony in that space of equality, in a grounded state, I could find the space of intuition in myself. I would sink into my body and heart and give my busy mind a rest. Eventually, I could tune into the herd and what they were feeling. I could tune into my body knowledge and instincts. Awareness of our body and energy allows us to become better connected to our human herd. Harmony loved to settle into that space with me and connect through our hearts.
Oneness: We are truly one: herd, human, nature, and everything else. The only way we can experience this oneness is by putting our focus on the relationship in present time. There is something magical that happens when we remove distractions and are in a space with another. When we do this, when we are patient, when we elevate from ego, we feel a relationship with all that is. We are connected to everything, and the more we experience that, the more connections we feel and understand. Trying it with the horses is the best place to start because that is the only place they live, in the present.
Harmony had two horses that took on a protective role when she first arrived. Avalanche and Commanche befriended Harmony when she was let out of quarantine. Every time I would go and visit for the first month, this trio of horses was together in the big herd. It seemed they knew that Harmony needed a little extra protection. If another horse tried to bite or kick Harmony, one of her big beaus would run the other horse off. This relationship worked because they worked as one; they lived in that oneness. Looking back at their relationship I wished there had been an Avalanche and Commanche in my life.
Now: This now moment is always here, and what we need to change in our lives is here, in this moment. The now is the place of fullness, wholeness, and oneness. I find myself abiding here as much as possible. It is the place where horses live, always. When they are present, they are in a clear relationship with the environment they live in. They are also connected to the energy of those that are in the environment with them. They are in relationship with everything because of their ability to be in the now moment at all times.
When we sit in quiet reflection with the horses, our mirror neurons begin to operate, and we experience the now with them. I have discovered that when in this place, there is no separation. It is here that we can become deeply aware that we are not alone. One of my favorite sayings is, “God is every ONE of us together: the rocks, the trees, the flowers, and the seas, and all creatures, whether of fur, fin, feather, or skin.” When we choose to connect with others in this NOW moment, new ideas emerge that would not have otherwise arisen. Horses show us how to be in the now moment and connect to the oneness. They do it just by being a horse, naturally.
Serenity and Safety: I know that relationship does not have two S’s, but both are so vital to our relationships that I decided to include them. Starting with safety: I have heard numerous times that people feel safe when they settle into the space of the herd. Why is that? It is because safety is vital to their survival, including all items. When we are with them and those mirror neurons start to connect, we feel what they feel. We feel what it is like to be present, connected, and safe. And that is a feeling of serenity.
There is nothing quite as serene as mingling with a herd as they graze. Harmony’s herd knew me and accepted me into their family. Sometimes, when I entered their space, I would notice several horses sleeping and several others standing guard. I would stand peacefully and watch the horses sleep. I could feel the calm serenity in those moments. They knew that they were safe because the sentinel horses watched over them and the environment so they could rest. What a beautiful portrayal of a trusting and loving relationship containing safety and serenity.
Harmony had two horses that took on a protective role when she first arrived. Avalanche and Commanche befriended Harmony when she was let out of quarantine. Every time I would go and visit for the first month, this trio of horses was together in the big herd. It seemed they knew that Harmony needed a little extra protection. If another horse tried to bite or kick Harmony, one of her big beaus would run the other horse off. This relationship worked because they worked as one; they lived in that oneness. Looking back at their relationship I wished there had been an Avalanche and Commanche in my life.
Now: This now moment is always here, and what we need to change in our lives is here, in this moment. The now is the place of fullness, wholeness, and oneness. I find myself abiding here as much as possible. It is the place where horses live, always. When they are present, they are in a clear relationship with the environment they live in. They are also connected to the energy of those that are in the environment with them. They are in relationship with everything because of their ability to be in the now moment at all times.
When we sit in quiet reflection with the horses, our mirror neurons begin to operate, and we experience the now with them. I have discovered that when in this place, there is no separation. It is here that we can become deeply aware that we are not alone. One of my favorite sayings is, “God is every ONE of us together: the rocks, the trees, the flowers, and the seas, and all creatures, whether of fur, fin, feather, or skin.” When we choose to connect with others in this NOW moment, new ideas emerge that would not have otherwise arisen. Horses show us how to be in the now moment and connect to the oneness. They do it just by being a horse, naturally.
Serenity and Safety: I know that relationship does not have two S’s, but both are so vital to our relationships that I decided to include them. Starting with safety: I have heard numerous times that people feel safe when they settle into the space of the herd. Why is that? It is because safety is vital to their survival, including all items. When we are with them and those mirror neurons start to connect, we feel what they feel. We feel what it is like to be present, connected, and safe. And that is a feeling of serenity.
There is nothing quite as serene as mingling with a herd as they graze. Harmony’s herd knew me and accepted me into their family. Sometimes, when I entered their space, I would notice several horses sleeping and several others standing guard. I would stand peacefully and watch the horses sleep. I could feel the calm serenity in those moments. They knew that they were safe because the sentinel horses watched over them and the environment so they could rest. What a beautiful portrayal of a trusting and loving relationship containing safety and serenity.
Harmony: How ironic that I chose to name my dear horse Harmony. Little did I know what she had to teach me. I realized that harmony was also a key component of strong relationships. It is such a beautiful characteristic of a herd. They share roles within the family, they care for one another, they can set clear boundaries without any worry or ill feelings, and they are fully aware of the energy of the whole herd at all times. That is a community that lives in a harmonic relationship. We can learn so much from observing how they live in connection to each other and then apply that to our relationships and communities. Harmony is key, and my Harmony was such an amazing teacher. Humans are wired to connect with and care for one another, but we often are distracted and not present. Horses live in harmony naturally.
Inner Knowing: Horses help us connect to something within us. That something is our inner knowing. It is when everything that is intrinsic synchronizes, and we just know. When we trust that inner knowing, we become better herd members who are present, clear, and compassionate.
One particular day with Harmony allowed me to experience the power of my inner knowing and connection with her and the herd. After Harmony had been on the ranch for a few months, I took my dog, Harmony, and a friend for a picnic hike. As we were moving from one pasture to another where the other herd lived, one of the horses in the field we were headed to started neighing at us. Soon, the entire herd of twenty horses was galloping toward us. I was nervous but knew I needed to get my dog and friend out of the way. I instructed them to move to a group of trees. They did so without pausing.
Then, the herd was upon us. Harmony turned and faced the herd, snorting like she was a dragon. All I could do was stand by her. The herd slowed down. Some of them stopped and sniffed Harmony, but most of them just went on by. They understood we were not a threat. My friend and dog were shocked. It was a mystical moment for me. Harmony put her head down close to my shoulder. I heard her say, “I was protecting you.” I had tears of love come to my eyes. I looked at her; I love you were the words that came out of my mouth. What made the moment remarkable was my inner knowing and how I trusted it. I knew exactly what to do. Harmony and I experienced that oneness because we both were in the now moment. I miss my girl so much. I know someday she will return to me in some way.
Prey: Horses are prey animals as opposed to predators. In the wild, they are the hunted, not the hunter. The herd knows that the way to stay safe around predators is to be fully and presently connected to their herd. By working as one, they have more eyes to be aware of any threats, and that connection lets other herd members know if a predator is on the hunt. Horses are meant to live in a community for safety. Living alone is foreign to them and goes against all that is natural for them. This community way of being translates to humans as well. We do better when we know we have a community that keeps us safe and healthy. We flourish when we have strong relationships in a vibrant community based on all aspects mentioned here. We can learn much from the horses and their ways of living in a herd as a prey animal.
Inner Knowing: Horses help us connect to something within us. That something is our inner knowing. It is when everything that is intrinsic synchronizes, and we just know. When we trust that inner knowing, we become better herd members who are present, clear, and compassionate.
One particular day with Harmony allowed me to experience the power of my inner knowing and connection with her and the herd. After Harmony had been on the ranch for a few months, I took my dog, Harmony, and a friend for a picnic hike. As we were moving from one pasture to another where the other herd lived, one of the horses in the field we were headed to started neighing at us. Soon, the entire herd of twenty horses was galloping toward us. I was nervous but knew I needed to get my dog and friend out of the way. I instructed them to move to a group of trees. They did so without pausing.
Then, the herd was upon us. Harmony turned and faced the herd, snorting like she was a dragon. All I could do was stand by her. The herd slowed down. Some of them stopped and sniffed Harmony, but most of them just went on by. They understood we were not a threat. My friend and dog were shocked. It was a mystical moment for me. Harmony put her head down close to my shoulder. I heard her say, “I was protecting you.” I had tears of love come to my eyes. I looked at her; I love you were the words that came out of my mouth. What made the moment remarkable was my inner knowing and how I trusted it. I knew exactly what to do. Harmony and I experienced that oneness because we both were in the now moment. I miss my girl so much. I know someday she will return to me in some way.
Prey: Horses are prey animals as opposed to predators. In the wild, they are the hunted, not the hunter. The herd knows that the way to stay safe around predators is to be fully and presently connected to their herd. By working as one, they have more eyes to be aware of any threats, and that connection lets other herd members know if a predator is on the hunt. Horses are meant to live in a community for safety. Living alone is foreign to them and goes against all that is natural for them. This community way of being translates to humans as well. We do better when we know we have a community that keeps us safe and healthy. We flourish when we have strong relationships in a vibrant community based on all aspects mentioned here. We can learn much from the horses and their ways of living in a herd as a prey animal.
It is a common misconception that being a prey animal is fear-based. Yes, they run when fear tells them there is a threat, but that is only a small part of their life. The truth is that they survive and thrive by staying connected, by taking care of one another, by being aware and present, and by living in a healthy community relationship. It is wise for humanity to learn from this deep truth. It is then that we won’t just survive but thrive in healthy relationships as well. Thank you, dear Harmony, for showing me and sharing your relationship wisdom. You truly were a relationship master. ~*~
