The Felt Sense of Connection with Horses
Michaela Slade, UK
The breath moves in and out. In a long, slow, and deep rhythm from his beautifully soft nostrils, I feel the warmth of the breath in the palms of my otherwise cold hands. I can feel the depth of the exhale that is drawn out without diluting its power, reflecting the capacity within.
He stands with me for what feels like hours; time fades away, disappears from my awareness; it becomes irrelevant, a concept that is not felt in this connection of oneness, holding and presence. I feel a deep sigh as I let go into this warm, safe connection in the cold winter air.
I’m young and life feels upside down and inside out. It seems like it has always felt this way, which endures the question, what is the point? Everything hurts! What is it all about?’
…. This. This is what it’s all about. Here. Now. The timeless continuum of Now is shared with this beautiful being of presence and stillness. I’m here: in my legs, arms, hands, feet, breath, heart, and soul. A sense of rhythm enters my being like a slow, deep pulse that emanates from the earth. My lungs move slowly and deeply, aligning with this rhythm. I feel him next to me, sharing space with me and my presence; guiding me into his rhythm, the rhythm of nature.
I feel rooted in the earth, stable and secure, yet I'm also aware that I am like the eagle soaring above the land, on the wing, seeing the world from a different perspective, able to take in everything all at once with its eye as it observes the whole landscape as one.
My body lets go. I surrender into a place of no time, a place of being and bliss. It feels as though my heart opens just for this experience. I stay here with no agenda, no conscious need, just a desire to share space with this beautiful being, the horse.
I’m young and life feels upside down and inside out. It seems like it has always felt this way, which endures the question, what is the point? Everything hurts! What is it all about?’
…. This. This is what it’s all about. Here. Now. The timeless continuum of Now is shared with this beautiful being of presence and stillness. I’m here: in my legs, arms, hands, feet, breath, heart, and soul. A sense of rhythm enters my being like a slow, deep pulse that emanates from the earth. My lungs move slowly and deeply, aligning with this rhythm. I feel him next to me, sharing space with me and my presence; guiding me into his rhythm, the rhythm of nature.
I feel rooted in the earth, stable and secure, yet I'm also aware that I am like the eagle soaring above the land, on the wing, seeing the world from a different perspective, able to take in everything all at once with its eye as it observes the whole landscape as one.
My body lets go. I surrender into a place of no time, a place of being and bliss. It feels as though my heart opens just for this experience. I stay here with no agenda, no conscious need, just a desire to share space with this beautiful being, the horse.
This was my first experience of horses as beings. I had always loved them and was strongly drawn to them. I never had opportunities to ride or learn about horses, so I would read book after book and immerse myself in anything connected to them. I would collect horsehair and keep it to smell whenever I could. I would connect with this heart-opening feeling of love. I would draw and paint horses, read fictional novels about horses, and write stories about horses, usually surrounding a black horse called Black Beauty! As a small child, I always had an imaginary horse and would jump the flower beds all day, pretending we were at a show!
Horses were my companions all through my life. Even when I couldn’t physically be with them, I would be energetically connected to them. A flawless seam of connection with horses ran through my entire life that supported and held me. Such is their spirit, energy, and wisdom.
The first horse I was able to have in my care was a meeting of two souls. I struggle to find the words to express the connection between us, and as I write, I am touched with emotion that her physical presence has left this earthly plane. This beautiful mare took my heart and loved it; she nurtured it and held it. She stood with me, breathed with me, and deepened this experience for me, giving me what I had needed in my earlier years: connection. She was helping me to understand just how much horses had supported me and guided me throughout my young life.
She came into my life by chance. I had been admiring her and, through chance, was offered the opportunity to be one of the humans who cared for her. We were quite a mismatch to some! She had high energy, was expressive, and very vocal! I was quiet, reserved, shy, and nervous. Through her open heart and strong presence, I soon developed a deep, loving connection with her, promising I would always take care of her. She taught me so much about myself, about my fears, my pain, and how to be with it all. She showed me how to open myself to vulnerability and the colourful tapestry of life, the felt sense of being alive.
Her gorgeous soul welcomed me into her presence without fear or judgement; she was not submissive but commanding, and determined. I sensed her past had been somewhat difficult, but I couldn’t be sure. There definitely was a deep knowing in my heart that she understood my difficulties. The moments of connection with her heart were offered with gentleness and without condition. It was as if she were saying, “I’m here with you now.” She offered everything I had not fully received before meeting her. This was so reparative for me and enabled me to begin my healing journey.
Horses were my companions all through my life. Even when I couldn’t physically be with them, I would be energetically connected to them. A flawless seam of connection with horses ran through my entire life that supported and held me. Such is their spirit, energy, and wisdom.
The first horse I was able to have in my care was a meeting of two souls. I struggle to find the words to express the connection between us, and as I write, I am touched with emotion that her physical presence has left this earthly plane. This beautiful mare took my heart and loved it; she nurtured it and held it. She stood with me, breathed with me, and deepened this experience for me, giving me what I had needed in my earlier years: connection. She was helping me to understand just how much horses had supported me and guided me throughout my young life.
She came into my life by chance. I had been admiring her and, through chance, was offered the opportunity to be one of the humans who cared for her. We were quite a mismatch to some! She had high energy, was expressive, and very vocal! I was quiet, reserved, shy, and nervous. Through her open heart and strong presence, I soon developed a deep, loving connection with her, promising I would always take care of her. She taught me so much about myself, about my fears, my pain, and how to be with it all. She showed me how to open myself to vulnerability and the colourful tapestry of life, the felt sense of being alive.
Her gorgeous soul welcomed me into her presence without fear or judgement; she was not submissive but commanding, and determined. I sensed her past had been somewhat difficult, but I couldn’t be sure. There definitely was a deep knowing in my heart that she understood my difficulties. The moments of connection with her heart were offered with gentleness and without condition. It was as if she were saying, “I’m here with you now.” She offered everything I had not fully received before meeting her. This was so reparative for me and enabled me to begin my healing journey.
The connection with horses, as a young person, helped me to feel a sense of calm whilst still in the storm. This much later connection in adult life was beginning to show me how I could heal from that storm from the past. I could trust her solid presence and let go, just a little bit at a time, into a sense of safety and connection felt between two beating hearts and vibrating souls. She began to show me what was possible.
She laid the foundations, the pathway for my journey of healing with horses. This journey would take me beyond surviving, setting the scene and the conditions for new growth through a relational, heart-opening connection with the horses in my life. I am so grateful to her. And following her transition from life in 2019, I know that she is with me in spirit.
The next horse that came to me was called Black Beauty. Yep, I couldn’t believe it either!
This was the horse that I had dreamed about and wished upon all my young life, a connection already established through energy, identified by name.
I renamed her Star, as she had a big white star on her forehead, and the name resonated. Although she was black and beautiful, it didn't feel like Black Beauty quite fit.
She came to me eight years ago. Her heart and spirit were broken. She wasn’t there when I looked into her soft, beautiful eyes; there was a vacancy, a void of energy, deep inside. She was also carrying a new life in her big, soft belly, and I was excited to welcome a little one into our care. Everything went well, and a beautiful filly was born just before Christmas.
Sadly, two months later, the beautiful little filly passed to the next world. It was a time of deep sorrow for my beautiful mare and myself. We had barely had time to get to know each other before this tragedy happened. As time went by, I noticed she withdrew into herself more, isolated by the pain of her loss, which I, too, felt. Reaching out from species to species, I tried to connect with her, to touch her heart with my own, occasionally getting glimmers of connection across the void of grief. This time, it was I who stayed present and consistent, as much as I was able, to help her heal her deeply grieving heart. I sensed a loss of connection between us with the loss of her baby, but I stayed with the love I had for her. I knew from my experiences with my great teacher that this would be enough; I was enough, in my body, heart, and soul with her, alongside her, never leaving her.
The knowing I was there, even if she couldn’t let herself feel it, was similar to my experience of an energetic connection with horses in my young life without their presence. The intention of connection is a powerful energy when held in presence and embodied love.
She laid the foundations, the pathway for my journey of healing with horses. This journey would take me beyond surviving, setting the scene and the conditions for new growth through a relational, heart-opening connection with the horses in my life. I am so grateful to her. And following her transition from life in 2019, I know that she is with me in spirit.
The next horse that came to me was called Black Beauty. Yep, I couldn’t believe it either!
This was the horse that I had dreamed about and wished upon all my young life, a connection already established through energy, identified by name.
I renamed her Star, as she had a big white star on her forehead, and the name resonated. Although she was black and beautiful, it didn't feel like Black Beauty quite fit.
She came to me eight years ago. Her heart and spirit were broken. She wasn’t there when I looked into her soft, beautiful eyes; there was a vacancy, a void of energy, deep inside. She was also carrying a new life in her big, soft belly, and I was excited to welcome a little one into our care. Everything went well, and a beautiful filly was born just before Christmas.
Sadly, two months later, the beautiful little filly passed to the next world. It was a time of deep sorrow for my beautiful mare and myself. We had barely had time to get to know each other before this tragedy happened. As time went by, I noticed she withdrew into herself more, isolated by the pain of her loss, which I, too, felt. Reaching out from species to species, I tried to connect with her, to touch her heart with my own, occasionally getting glimmers of connection across the void of grief. This time, it was I who stayed present and consistent, as much as I was able, to help her heal her deeply grieving heart. I sensed a loss of connection between us with the loss of her baby, but I stayed with the love I had for her. I knew from my experiences with my great teacher that this would be enough; I was enough, in my body, heart, and soul with her, alongside her, never leaving her.
The knowing I was there, even if she couldn’t let herself feel it, was similar to my experience of an energetic connection with horses in my young life without their presence. The intention of connection is a powerful energy when held in presence and embodied love.
In 2018, my mum passed away after a short illness. My mum had previously helped me to pay for Black Beauty (Star) when she came into my care. I knew that Star understood my grief. There came a deep sense of knowing between us. I felt the connection of her in my being and heart as I worked through the pain of losing mum. I’m grateful that my mum left this beautiful legacy of Star here to walk with me as we heal together.
We have experienced moments of a felt sense of shared love and grief, both hearts resonating together. I am so profoundly grateful when this happens. It’s an honour to be trusted by her and for her to show vulnerability. This trust is healing for me also as I observe her capacity to do the same from such a painful tragedy. It shows me how my relationship with the horses in my life has been an evolution of not only my healing but theirs, too.
Whilst walking with Star, I reflect on when she may have entered this earthly plane. I realise that she may have been born around the time my life was turned upside down. I look at her beautiful face and the grey around her eyes. I feel this sense of her intention to be here with me so we may repair, restore, and renew together. So we may move forward within the holding of grief, to learn how to lean in and trust in the organic wisdom of horses, nature, and our own body, mind, and soul.
My journey continues with her and four other beautiful equines, each with their individual presence, energy, and challenges, helping to heal us all. They are companions who walk alongside me, and I, with them. We connect, not through words, but through presence within the long continuum of now, with open hearts. We surrender to what evolves in the space between us. Each touches my heart in different ways and has a unique, felt sense of connection. I know that each experience can be trusted and held in my heart. I know this from my horse connections, which started me on this journey, many years ago in a field on a winter's day. The breath from those beautiful, soft nostrils caressing my hands in the cold winter air and breathing love into my hurting heart. ~*~
We have experienced moments of a felt sense of shared love and grief, both hearts resonating together. I am so profoundly grateful when this happens. It’s an honour to be trusted by her and for her to show vulnerability. This trust is healing for me also as I observe her capacity to do the same from such a painful tragedy. It shows me how my relationship with the horses in my life has been an evolution of not only my healing but theirs, too.
Whilst walking with Star, I reflect on when she may have entered this earthly plane. I realise that she may have been born around the time my life was turned upside down. I look at her beautiful face and the grey around her eyes. I feel this sense of her intention to be here with me so we may repair, restore, and renew together. So we may move forward within the holding of grief, to learn how to lean in and trust in the organic wisdom of horses, nature, and our own body, mind, and soul.
My journey continues with her and four other beautiful equines, each with their individual presence, energy, and challenges, helping to heal us all. They are companions who walk alongside me, and I, with them. We connect, not through words, but through presence within the long continuum of now, with open hearts. We surrender to what evolves in the space between us. Each touches my heart in different ways and has a unique, felt sense of connection. I know that each experience can be trusted and held in my heart. I know this from my horse connections, which started me on this journey, many years ago in a field on a winter's day. The breath from those beautiful, soft nostrils caressing my hands in the cold winter air and breathing love into my hurting heart. ~*~
