Thaw
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“Every hidden, blocked feeling is like a chunk of frozen consciousness. Until it thaws,
you are saying ‘I am this hurt’ even as you refuse to look at it: it has you in its grip.” Deepak Chopra
you are saying ‘I am this hurt’ even as you refuse to look at it: it has you in its grip.” Deepak Chopra
Perhaps the most hope-filled time of year is the spring thaw.
With the frigid winds of winter behind us we look forward to a time of colour and transformation; of the warmth and joy of feeling fully alive again. The transition from freeze to feel, however, is a messy one.
As the snow melts a colourless, barren wasteland is revealed. Neglected and abandoned remnants of a previous season overwhelm a landscape striving for renewal. The lingering marks of the past a distracting, discouraging, and mind numbing barrier to the promise of spring.
For a while we wonder when Mother Earth will reveal the verdant gifts for which we have longed. Soon, March winds blow by stirring up and removing the remaining detritus of the dead season. Spring storms clarify the air bringing with them rains to cleanse and replenish. Sunshine blankets all to warm and relax heaved ground and nurture the precious new growth beginning to germinate away from the unseen eye.
And we wait …
Have you ever felt stuck? Frozen in a way you don't understand and don't have the first idea how to change? Are you feeling the grip of a virtual winter of personal discontent that constricts your life experience in such a way that even simply to breathe is difficult?
You want things to be different. You want to feel different ~ welcome a spring of new growth and expansion. However, the weight of your life burden, much with which you cannot connect, has you so snowed under emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually that even to hope for spring can be an overwhelming prospect.
For much of my life I was only too familiar with this feeling. Snowed under by a dysfunctional pattern of traumatic emotional avalanches from a variety of sources, and from which I could not dig myself out, I was left bouncing between the extremes of feeling stuck and feeling overwhelmed. Knowing no different I believed this was my truth. How wrong I was.
Occasionally a stalwart soul would extend a well-meaning hand into the icy cave of my heart to help draw me out. However, trust was an issue. My frozen space, however constricting, kept me safe from further harm. Could I risk leaving the shelter of a cold, unfeeling place only to be traumatized back into it by another’s narcissistic agenda? The very idea left me cold.
As time passed, I learned to trust in small doses; the warm intentions of other souls who understood the journey to self-realization helped me find a way to my truth. Gradually, the cold lining of my heart began to melt. Still, inside it remained frozen.
Then, a crack in the ice cap; the wake-up call at age 48 that warned, in no uncertain terms, it was finally time to claw my way out of the frigid wasteland and begin the serious business of thawing. It was that or suffocate in a slow and painful demise punctuated by an agony of “What ifs?”.
Do ... or die.
One week in Bosnia-Herzagovina in March 2009 was what it took to create a seismic shift in my awareness. Three panic attacks all but paralyzed me. Somehow I saw myself in the trauma of that war-torn country. The still visible devastation in Sarajevo and Mostar resonated so deeply with my own overwhelmed internal landscape I was forced to look at this unlikely reflection and make the important decision to change; to dig out. It was time to examine and release my trauma story. Time to heal; to rebuild; to thrive … not merely survive.
Within weeks I found a suitable psychotherapist and began the serious business of digging deep and digging out. As time passed I gradually surrounded myself with a mind/body/spirit support team that helped me emerge from winter’s barren field one baby step at a time. The serious business of thawing had begun.
The transition from freeze to feel is, indeed, a messy one. Like the spring thaw it happens gradually and in stages so as not to overwhelm and re-traumatize the fragile environment. With emotional release comes physical liberation. Planes of the body frozen in time find their way back to life again.
Some with more violent passage while others tend more gradually to renewal.
It is heave and hell and hope in one. It is the frozen life force re-awakening and moving beyond limiting beliefs and behaviour patterns to find a new vitality. It is the germinating seed seeking the warmth of the sun and the nourishing rains to the fullness of its potential. The evidence of what is past will still exist, but its power will have transformed from self-destructive to magically creative.
Our true nature revealed.
Enter the horse
The horses bring a touch of magic to the transition from barren emotional wasteland to flourishing emotional life.
A sentient and majestic being, the horse has partnered with humankind over Millennia in the building of civilizations. It has also proven a valued partner in recreational pursuits as well as a valued companion.
Our society no longer relies on the power and utility of horses as it once did, nevertheless our destinies continue to be entwined.
"We are responsible forever for the things that we tame.”
From The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry, French author and philosopher
Ultimately, for good or ill, these noble creatures are subject to human whim and their welfare depends on the self-awareness of those tasked to their care. Horses are still valued as companions, as well as partners in sport and recreation. Some still toil on farms, while others serve and protect in law enforcement. The magic begins as we step into a deeper connection with the horse. And, in recent years, with the guidance and partnership of suitably trained practitioners, these engaging and magnificent animals have been introduced into, perhaps, their most profound role of all ~ that of healing partner.
The secret lies in a horse’s ability to be present and in the moment 100 per cent of the time. They don’t dwell on what happened yesterday or worry about what may happen tomorrow. The only thing that matters is the “now.” It’s the immediate energetic exchange in their environment and between sentient beings that harnesses their full attention, and their response flows on that energetic wave.
Horses read us like books; our body language the words inscribed across our energetic page. They read between the lines we don't even know we've written to understand the heart of our intention. They’re fooled by no one. They reflect back to us the truth of who we are … in the moment. A mirror image of ourselves we'd often rather not see but which, if we were to engage with and heal it, would help us change our lives in positive and profound ways. The horse would help us with that, too.
Beyond conventional talk therapy, horses have been my saving grace. In particular, my horse, Bear, blew the warm breath of his soul into my melting heart and helped me negotiate the slippery path to emotional agility*[1]. He, and a host of other valuable equine teachers, have helped me to find, recognize, live in, and give voice to, my authenticity.
To thaw in the gentle, non-judgmental presence of a horse is a profound emotional healing experience which lends itself to personal growth and self-discovery. To crawl out from the icy cave that keeps us frozen in time and numb to the richness of life is to be reborn. To feel the connection of heart with a beautiful non-predatory animal who could maim in an instant is powerful beyond words.
In his book It’s Not About The Horse, Wyatt Webb, therapist and founder of the Equine Experience at Miraval Life in Balance™ in Tucson, Arizona, quotes Logan, the counsellor who helped save his life, his mind and his very soul …
“If you’re to achieve the peace, joy, and spiritual fulfillment that you want so badly, it depends upon one thing and one thing only–your willingness to simply do something different.”
Feeling stuck, frozen, or traumatized is not a life sentence, yet so many of us treat it this way. A new spring of personal growth is on the horizon when we are prepared to release the cold, hard winter of the tortured soul. We have the power to make decisions that help us to thaw and move to a new, fluid way of being. Reclaiming our emotional agility is the surest way to live with vitality; to thrive.
And the horses are here to show us how.
[1] Emotional Agility … the ability to flow with, experience and release our emotions while growing in self-awareness. When we become stuck in any emotion, positive or negative, it prevents us from moving forward with our lives and reaching our true potential.
With the frigid winds of winter behind us we look forward to a time of colour and transformation; of the warmth and joy of feeling fully alive again. The transition from freeze to feel, however, is a messy one.
As the snow melts a colourless, barren wasteland is revealed. Neglected and abandoned remnants of a previous season overwhelm a landscape striving for renewal. The lingering marks of the past a distracting, discouraging, and mind numbing barrier to the promise of spring.
For a while we wonder when Mother Earth will reveal the verdant gifts for which we have longed. Soon, March winds blow by stirring up and removing the remaining detritus of the dead season. Spring storms clarify the air bringing with them rains to cleanse and replenish. Sunshine blankets all to warm and relax heaved ground and nurture the precious new growth beginning to germinate away from the unseen eye.
And we wait …
Have you ever felt stuck? Frozen in a way you don't understand and don't have the first idea how to change? Are you feeling the grip of a virtual winter of personal discontent that constricts your life experience in such a way that even simply to breathe is difficult?
You want things to be different. You want to feel different ~ welcome a spring of new growth and expansion. However, the weight of your life burden, much with which you cannot connect, has you so snowed under emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually that even to hope for spring can be an overwhelming prospect.
For much of my life I was only too familiar with this feeling. Snowed under by a dysfunctional pattern of traumatic emotional avalanches from a variety of sources, and from which I could not dig myself out, I was left bouncing between the extremes of feeling stuck and feeling overwhelmed. Knowing no different I believed this was my truth. How wrong I was.
Occasionally a stalwart soul would extend a well-meaning hand into the icy cave of my heart to help draw me out. However, trust was an issue. My frozen space, however constricting, kept me safe from further harm. Could I risk leaving the shelter of a cold, unfeeling place only to be traumatized back into it by another’s narcissistic agenda? The very idea left me cold.
As time passed, I learned to trust in small doses; the warm intentions of other souls who understood the journey to self-realization helped me find a way to my truth. Gradually, the cold lining of my heart began to melt. Still, inside it remained frozen.
Then, a crack in the ice cap; the wake-up call at age 48 that warned, in no uncertain terms, it was finally time to claw my way out of the frigid wasteland and begin the serious business of thawing. It was that or suffocate in a slow and painful demise punctuated by an agony of “What ifs?”.
Do ... or die.
One week in Bosnia-Herzagovina in March 2009 was what it took to create a seismic shift in my awareness. Three panic attacks all but paralyzed me. Somehow I saw myself in the trauma of that war-torn country. The still visible devastation in Sarajevo and Mostar resonated so deeply with my own overwhelmed internal landscape I was forced to look at this unlikely reflection and make the important decision to change; to dig out. It was time to examine and release my trauma story. Time to heal; to rebuild; to thrive … not merely survive.
Within weeks I found a suitable psychotherapist and began the serious business of digging deep and digging out. As time passed I gradually surrounded myself with a mind/body/spirit support team that helped me emerge from winter’s barren field one baby step at a time. The serious business of thawing had begun.
The transition from freeze to feel is, indeed, a messy one. Like the spring thaw it happens gradually and in stages so as not to overwhelm and re-traumatize the fragile environment. With emotional release comes physical liberation. Planes of the body frozen in time find their way back to life again.
Some with more violent passage while others tend more gradually to renewal.
It is heave and hell and hope in one. It is the frozen life force re-awakening and moving beyond limiting beliefs and behaviour patterns to find a new vitality. It is the germinating seed seeking the warmth of the sun and the nourishing rains to the fullness of its potential. The evidence of what is past will still exist, but its power will have transformed from self-destructive to magically creative.
Our true nature revealed.
Enter the horse
The horses bring a touch of magic to the transition from barren emotional wasteland to flourishing emotional life.
A sentient and majestic being, the horse has partnered with humankind over Millennia in the building of civilizations. It has also proven a valued partner in recreational pursuits as well as a valued companion.
Our society no longer relies on the power and utility of horses as it once did, nevertheless our destinies continue to be entwined.
"We are responsible forever for the things that we tame.”
From The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry, French author and philosopher
Ultimately, for good or ill, these noble creatures are subject to human whim and their welfare depends on the self-awareness of those tasked to their care. Horses are still valued as companions, as well as partners in sport and recreation. Some still toil on farms, while others serve and protect in law enforcement. The magic begins as we step into a deeper connection with the horse. And, in recent years, with the guidance and partnership of suitably trained practitioners, these engaging and magnificent animals have been introduced into, perhaps, their most profound role of all ~ that of healing partner.
The secret lies in a horse’s ability to be present and in the moment 100 per cent of the time. They don’t dwell on what happened yesterday or worry about what may happen tomorrow. The only thing that matters is the “now.” It’s the immediate energetic exchange in their environment and between sentient beings that harnesses their full attention, and their response flows on that energetic wave.
Horses read us like books; our body language the words inscribed across our energetic page. They read between the lines we don't even know we've written to understand the heart of our intention. They’re fooled by no one. They reflect back to us the truth of who we are … in the moment. A mirror image of ourselves we'd often rather not see but which, if we were to engage with and heal it, would help us change our lives in positive and profound ways. The horse would help us with that, too.
Beyond conventional talk therapy, horses have been my saving grace. In particular, my horse, Bear, blew the warm breath of his soul into my melting heart and helped me negotiate the slippery path to emotional agility*[1]. He, and a host of other valuable equine teachers, have helped me to find, recognize, live in, and give voice to, my authenticity.
To thaw in the gentle, non-judgmental presence of a horse is a profound emotional healing experience which lends itself to personal growth and self-discovery. To crawl out from the icy cave that keeps us frozen in time and numb to the richness of life is to be reborn. To feel the connection of heart with a beautiful non-predatory animal who could maim in an instant is powerful beyond words.
In his book It’s Not About The Horse, Wyatt Webb, therapist and founder of the Equine Experience at Miraval Life in Balance™ in Tucson, Arizona, quotes Logan, the counsellor who helped save his life, his mind and his very soul …
“If you’re to achieve the peace, joy, and spiritual fulfillment that you want so badly, it depends upon one thing and one thing only–your willingness to simply do something different.”
Feeling stuck, frozen, or traumatized is not a life sentence, yet so many of us treat it this way. A new spring of personal growth is on the horizon when we are prepared to release the cold, hard winter of the tortured soul. We have the power to make decisions that help us to thaw and move to a new, fluid way of being. Reclaiming our emotional agility is the surest way to live with vitality; to thrive.
And the horses are here to show us how.
[1] Emotional Agility … the ability to flow with, experience and release our emotions while growing in self-awareness. When we become stuck in any emotion, positive or negative, it prevents us from moving forward with our lives and reaching our true potential.
Winter’s Field
by Dorothy Chiotti
In winter’s barren, snowy field I stand,
My tender heart gripped tightly in his icy hand.
His frosted breath upon my naked soul doth blow,
Leaving in its numbing wake a frosted, ruddy glow.
I didn’t mean to stand in winter’s field so bare.
When first I stood it blossomed green and lovely there.
But then, alas, the changing leaves did start to fall,
And that which I had first observed appeared to be nowhere at all.
So here I stand, in nature’s stone-cold lonely place,
The light of love gone briefly from my care-worn face.
Instead a dormant season now resides ~
Within my chilled heart love’s smoldering fire hides.
But winter’s frosted season too must end,
As spring her warmest greeting soon will send.
And so my frozen sojourn too will cease,
And once again love’s warmth in me increase
by Dorothy Chiotti
In winter’s barren, snowy field I stand,
My tender heart gripped tightly in his icy hand.
His frosted breath upon my naked soul doth blow,
Leaving in its numbing wake a frosted, ruddy glow.
I didn’t mean to stand in winter’s field so bare.
When first I stood it blossomed green and lovely there.
But then, alas, the changing leaves did start to fall,
And that which I had first observed appeared to be nowhere at all.
So here I stand, in nature’s stone-cold lonely place,
The light of love gone briefly from my care-worn face.
Instead a dormant season now resides ~
Within my chilled heart love’s smoldering fire hides.
But winter’s frosted season too must end,
As spring her warmest greeting soon will send.
And so my frozen sojourn too will cease,
And once again love’s warmth in me increase
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Dorothy Chiotti Bio Dorothy’s healing journey began in earnest upon the death of her maternal grandmother in 1994. With a promise made to honour her memory by living the best life she could, Dorothy pursued her passion for horses and unwittingly started down the trail of personal development and self-discovery. In early 1995, Dorothy quit her public relations career to do an 18-month internship at a hunter/jumper facility working toward her national coaching certification through Equine Canada. As she describes it, “I went in a marshmallow and came out toasted.” In 2006, after several life changes and with an interest in finessing her knowledge of, and connection, to horses, Dorothy trained with natural horsemanship trainer, Chris Irwin and achieved Bronze status in his Train the Trainer program. Additionally, she attended his first Equine-Assisted Personal Development (EAPD) workshop which formally launched her interest in this work. In 2014, Dorothy completed her certification as a Facilitated Equine Experiential Learning (FEEL) practitioner through Horse Spirit Connections achieving Advanced status two years later. Since then she has been building her practice, focusing on establishing sacred space on the farm where she and her husband live and work in Mono, Ontario. Dorothy can be reached through her websites: www.corequus.com or www.aimwellcreativeworks.com. Photo credit: Andrew Penny |