The Gift of Reflection
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I met a beautiful chestnut-coloured horse named Angelina in 2011 at my first Facilitated Equine Experiential Learning (FEEL) session. I have been captivated by horses since childhood, but to actually be in her presence, to stand so close and be so vulnerable was a deeply moving experience. I connected with Angelina instantly. Something in her soft brown eyes drew me in. I now know it was my intuition that attracted me to her and it was no accident.
When I came to my FEEL session I was still grieving three miscarriages. I felt heartbroken, frustrated, depressed. I needed healing emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. Aware of my fertility struggles, when I met the herd my facilitator asked me to sense which horse was a mother. My heart said Angelina. When I read her biography, I learned she had aborted her foal and had no living offspring. In that moment, as the tears streamed down my face, I knew I was meant to work with her.
We started with reflective grooming in her stall. We stood in silence. The act of brushing her hair and mane became meditative. With every stroke I showered her with love, kindness and forgiveness. When we moved into the round pen it became clear Angelina had something to tell me. She moved from the centre of the ring and stood facing the East. She didn’t move from the spot. Making sure I got the message, she began biting the yellow cloth marking the direction. She was insistent on showing me the lessons of the East: new beginnings, children, fire medicine and awareness.
By intuitively seeing the mother in Angelina’s eyes, I saw the mother in myself. All the love and kindness I showered on her, she reflected back to me. The words of forgiveness I needed to hear so desperately suddenly flowed and I honoured myself and the three souls I carried but did not birth. When I got home, I wrote this poem:
Two Mothers
Two mothers - one horse, one human.
United in grief for the souls they carried but never saw.
Their eyes reflect a sadness containing who they were before
and after their babies were lost.
She tells her ‘it’s not your fault’.
She grieves for her, she feels her heart.
Let it go, let the fear go, she says.
She wraps her in tenderness.
They stand in stillness together.
In the shadow of others who say she doesn’t deserve the title,
she tells her to own it, to own her truth.
They know their truth; they feel it in their bones, in their hearts, in their souls.
They are the mothers of sky babies,
whose eyes sparkle in the stars,
whose sweet breath dances on the wind,
whose heart energy shines in the warmth of the sun,
whose tears wash over them in raindrops,
whose joy is found in rainbows,
whose strength grows with the trees,
whose night-time prayers are written on moonbeams.
They are mothers
And together they heal each other.
My time with Angelina helped me release so much pain. It allowed me to reshape my experience and to begin healing my heart. It opened to me to receive my greatest gift. My beautiful son was conceived 6 months later and was born in 2012. We chose Philip as his middle name, following the tradition in my husband’s family, but unaware of its meaning. When I researched names I discovered that Philip is a Greek name meaning lover of horses, while Angelina is a Greek name meaning messenger. I consider this the synchronicity of the Universe made manifest and an affirmation of the power of horse medicine.
Angelina is a sacred healer and wise messenger for whom I and my family will be forever grateful.
When I came to my FEEL session I was still grieving three miscarriages. I felt heartbroken, frustrated, depressed. I needed healing emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. Aware of my fertility struggles, when I met the herd my facilitator asked me to sense which horse was a mother. My heart said Angelina. When I read her biography, I learned she had aborted her foal and had no living offspring. In that moment, as the tears streamed down my face, I knew I was meant to work with her.
We started with reflective grooming in her stall. We stood in silence. The act of brushing her hair and mane became meditative. With every stroke I showered her with love, kindness and forgiveness. When we moved into the round pen it became clear Angelina had something to tell me. She moved from the centre of the ring and stood facing the East. She didn’t move from the spot. Making sure I got the message, she began biting the yellow cloth marking the direction. She was insistent on showing me the lessons of the East: new beginnings, children, fire medicine and awareness.
By intuitively seeing the mother in Angelina’s eyes, I saw the mother in myself. All the love and kindness I showered on her, she reflected back to me. The words of forgiveness I needed to hear so desperately suddenly flowed and I honoured myself and the three souls I carried but did not birth. When I got home, I wrote this poem:
Two Mothers
Two mothers - one horse, one human.
United in grief for the souls they carried but never saw.
Their eyes reflect a sadness containing who they were before
and after their babies were lost.
She tells her ‘it’s not your fault’.
She grieves for her, she feels her heart.
Let it go, let the fear go, she says.
She wraps her in tenderness.
They stand in stillness together.
In the shadow of others who say she doesn’t deserve the title,
she tells her to own it, to own her truth.
They know their truth; they feel it in their bones, in their hearts, in their souls.
They are the mothers of sky babies,
whose eyes sparkle in the stars,
whose sweet breath dances on the wind,
whose heart energy shines in the warmth of the sun,
whose tears wash over them in raindrops,
whose joy is found in rainbows,
whose strength grows with the trees,
whose night-time prayers are written on moonbeams.
They are mothers
And together they heal each other.
My time with Angelina helped me release so much pain. It allowed me to reshape my experience and to begin healing my heart. It opened to me to receive my greatest gift. My beautiful son was conceived 6 months later and was born in 2012. We chose Philip as his middle name, following the tradition in my husband’s family, but unaware of its meaning. When I researched names I discovered that Philip is a Greek name meaning lover of horses, while Angelina is a Greek name meaning messenger. I consider this the synchronicity of the Universe made manifest and an affirmation of the power of horse medicine.
Angelina is a sacred healer and wise messenger for whom I and my family will be forever grateful.
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Teresa McDonald-Thuro Bio
After graduating from Carleton University with a Bachelor Honours Degree in Journalism and English, Teresa has worked in the philanthropic sector for over a decade, focusing on communication, stewardship and event planning. She is also a dance facilitator who embraces body wisdom, nurtures self-expression and creates community. Teresa is a Nia Green Belt instructor, offering weekly classes at the Georgina Healing Arts Centre, and a Dance Our Way Home™ certified facilitator. She attended Dancing for Birth™ Level 1 and 2 training in November 2015 and is currently completing her certification. She considers the opportunity to share dance and hold space for others a sacred gift. Teresa lives with her husband and son in Keswick, Ontario. Contact: niawithteresa@gmail.com or 647-248-2805. |