FREE AND WILD
A Survivor Story
By: Eleni Argy, Australia
"It's like I'm looking in the mirror and seeing myself for the first time."
Lilian had never looked so deeply into the eyes of a horse. Not like this. She saw her soul reflected in those eyes. She saw her freedom. She found her peace.
Lilian was a survivor of slavery… yes, real slavery.
Lilian had never looked so deeply into the eyes of a horse. Not like this. She saw her soul reflected in those eyes. She saw her freedom. She found her peace.
Lilian was a survivor of slavery… yes, real slavery.
Lilian and I met several years ago through a support program for survivors of modern slavery and human trafficking in Australia. Slavery doesn't happen here, they said...this is the “lucky country”. The truth is, that slavery happens in every corner of the globe, and the labyrinth of survivors' healing is as complex as the trauma itself. There are millions of victims and survivors worldwide, in what are the world’s most brutal and hidden underground crimes, mostly against women and children.
After Lilian escaped her situation, she had several community provisions in place, and she was slowly regaining her sense of safety, and rebuilding her life after many years of experiencing what can now be identified as modern slavery. Having some exposure to trafficking in my personal experience, I have been passionate about coordinating and delivering support programs for women and girls who have experienced slavery, human trafficking, or other slavery-like practices, to offer essential aid, education and employment support, well-being and mental health assistance, and other essential services. In 2019, I decided to offer, a trauma-informed and survivor-centric program that was free of charge, where survivors could interact with our horses, in nature, within a space that was safe and nurturing. Lilian attended our “Free and Wild” equine program for several years, specifically for survivors of modern slavery and human trafficking. It is a very special space where survivors can freely tell their stories, experience a deep connection with horses and other animals, sit amongst the trees, and simply be themselves. Lilian expressed how she found solace within herself every time she interacted with the horses, and she came regularly to the barn to experience “the calm and peace within myself.”
After Lilian escaped her situation, she had several community provisions in place, and she was slowly regaining her sense of safety, and rebuilding her life after many years of experiencing what can now be identified as modern slavery. Having some exposure to trafficking in my personal experience, I have been passionate about coordinating and delivering support programs for women and girls who have experienced slavery, human trafficking, or other slavery-like practices, to offer essential aid, education and employment support, well-being and mental health assistance, and other essential services. In 2019, I decided to offer, a trauma-informed and survivor-centric program that was free of charge, where survivors could interact with our horses, in nature, within a space that was safe and nurturing. Lilian attended our “Free and Wild” equine program for several years, specifically for survivors of modern slavery and human trafficking. It is a very special space where survivors can freely tell their stories, experience a deep connection with horses and other animals, sit amongst the trees, and simply be themselves. Lilian expressed how she found solace within herself every time she interacted with the horses, and she came regularly to the barn to experience “the calm and peace within myself.”
A Shared Story
In hearing survivors share their stories over the years, I noticed the common threads in how the complexity of slavery-related trauma is processed. Survivors have spoken of the absolute loss of freedom, the lack of choice, the loss of self-control and self-agency, and the absence of safety both externally and within themselves due to the level of coercive control, manipulation and abuse they have endured. No one understands this level of oppression better than the captured wild horses who were once roaming free in the open bushlands. Collectively, these humans and horses share many commonalities in their experience and in their healing journey.
So… Lilian and I decided to embark on a quest to interact with some wild horses, the Australian Brumbies, to explore how they may have lost and regained their freedom by being removed from the wild and rehomed. Lilian was curious how she would feel around them and if her life might have some parallels with theirs. She wondered if they may hold a magical key to letting go and healing the pain, or perhaps they hold a different type of wisdom. My friend, Isabelle, had been riding a rescued brumby, so, first, we went to meet Marley, a 13-year-old formerly wild horse from Kosciusko National Park in the Snowy Mountain region of New South Wales, currently still home to many herds of Australian Brumbies. Marley had been bought at an auction at age three by a busy trail riding facility where he was ridden by the trail guides but coined as “too cheeky” for anyone else. Marley made it clear that being ridden by lots of people was not his idea of a “rescue”, and he was sold off to a French man named Gael who simply adored him. Marley seemed to prefer the simplicity of a one-on-one relationship and thrived in Gael’s care.
Lilian slowed her step as she said hello to Marley, taking a few deep breaths and holding out her hand respectfully. Marley gently sniffed her, then refocused on his grass. Periodically, he would check on Lilian by lifting his head and ensuring she was still there by his side. Lilian was impressed that Marley seemed to befriend her so quickly, and she enjoyed how he seemed to invite her in to stay close and interact with him. Marley had one eye on the green grass, and one eye on Lilian always. As their brief relationship unfolded, Lilian compassionately asked Marley directly for permission for a hug, and she peacefully rested her face on his shoulder. Marley munched his grass, then lifted his head and turned towards her in a mutual gesture of gratitude and trust. It was a beautiful interaction to witness. “You can still see his wildness,” Lilian remarked, as Marley showed us where he wanted to walk with clear intention. As Lilian and I spoke, some traumatic memories came up in conversation. Marley instantly put his ears back towards us, interrupting the discussion abruptly. Lilian viewed this as a clear indication to let go of the memories and stay in the present moment. As soon as we shifted our focus back to the now, Marley happily munched his grass, and Lilian was left in awe of the clear line that Marley set in the tone of our conversation. “He was so clear in telling us to stop talking about the past. I think he is telling me I need to work on my boundaries,” Lilian reflected. Neither of them took offence to the other. And the pure transparency of this simple moment seemed to open a portal to forgiveness. Self-forgiveness, perhaps?
In hearing survivors share their stories over the years, I noticed the common threads in how the complexity of slavery-related trauma is processed. Survivors have spoken of the absolute loss of freedom, the lack of choice, the loss of self-control and self-agency, and the absence of safety both externally and within themselves due to the level of coercive control, manipulation and abuse they have endured. No one understands this level of oppression better than the captured wild horses who were once roaming free in the open bushlands. Collectively, these humans and horses share many commonalities in their experience and in their healing journey.
So… Lilian and I decided to embark on a quest to interact with some wild horses, the Australian Brumbies, to explore how they may have lost and regained their freedom by being removed from the wild and rehomed. Lilian was curious how she would feel around them and if her life might have some parallels with theirs. She wondered if they may hold a magical key to letting go and healing the pain, or perhaps they hold a different type of wisdom. My friend, Isabelle, had been riding a rescued brumby, so, first, we went to meet Marley, a 13-year-old formerly wild horse from Kosciusko National Park in the Snowy Mountain region of New South Wales, currently still home to many herds of Australian Brumbies. Marley had been bought at an auction at age three by a busy trail riding facility where he was ridden by the trail guides but coined as “too cheeky” for anyone else. Marley made it clear that being ridden by lots of people was not his idea of a “rescue”, and he was sold off to a French man named Gael who simply adored him. Marley seemed to prefer the simplicity of a one-on-one relationship and thrived in Gael’s care.
Lilian slowed her step as she said hello to Marley, taking a few deep breaths and holding out her hand respectfully. Marley gently sniffed her, then refocused on his grass. Periodically, he would check on Lilian by lifting his head and ensuring she was still there by his side. Lilian was impressed that Marley seemed to befriend her so quickly, and she enjoyed how he seemed to invite her in to stay close and interact with him. Marley had one eye on the green grass, and one eye on Lilian always. As their brief relationship unfolded, Lilian compassionately asked Marley directly for permission for a hug, and she peacefully rested her face on his shoulder. Marley munched his grass, then lifted his head and turned towards her in a mutual gesture of gratitude and trust. It was a beautiful interaction to witness. “You can still see his wildness,” Lilian remarked, as Marley showed us where he wanted to walk with clear intention. As Lilian and I spoke, some traumatic memories came up in conversation. Marley instantly put his ears back towards us, interrupting the discussion abruptly. Lilian viewed this as a clear indication to let go of the memories and stay in the present moment. As soon as we shifted our focus back to the now, Marley happily munched his grass, and Lilian was left in awe of the clear line that Marley set in the tone of our conversation. “He was so clear in telling us to stop talking about the past. I think he is telling me I need to work on my boundaries,” Lilian reflected. Neither of them took offence to the other. And the pure transparency of this simple moment seemed to open a portal to forgiveness. Self-forgiveness, perhaps?
Wild Horse Wisdom
Lilian and I decided to explore this wild horse wisdom more deeply and embark on a soul-seeking journey to find a herd of once-wild horses. I was told there was a man named Paul Stepto, in the area of St Albans, northwest of Sydney, who had rescued a herd of wild brumbies, and they are roaming in their natural state on his private acreage. I was kindly directed by some friendly locals in the area as to which property was Paul’s, and Lilian and I decided to drive there. My intuition told me we would simply pull around a bend, and there they would be, grazing majestically in the green hills. And so, it was. There they were, the most beautiful and colourful herd of horses, nibbling peacefully in the lush fields, against the most dramatically stunning escarpment underneath a protective cover of feathery clouds. It was picture-perfect. “There they are,” I beamed, hardly containing my excitement. As we drove further, there were more bands of brumbies closer to the road on either side. We stopped the car, took a few breaths, and approached what appeared to be two small bachelor bands of yearling and weanling horses. Some of them approached the fence, the foals a bit leerier of our presence. A young colt conveyed his bravery with a whinny, pushing against the fence to get close to us, exploring our hands with his lips, and then our faces and hair. He was friendly and not afraid of people. Lilian was beaming, and my heart was truly ecstatic with joy.
Lilian seemed to connect with a more skittish youngster on the other side of the road. I watched quietly, keeping my distance, so as not to disturb the sacredness of their moment. He came to the fence but seemed a bit unsure of human touch at first. Lillian took her time with gentle out-breaths, which he seemed to appreciate. Before long, Lilian was giving him tender scratches on his neck, and he shooed the other yearlings away, clearly wanting Lilian all to himself. She noticed that he took some time to trust her, but she reflected on how nice it felt that he had chosen to stay with her, and he seemingly protected her from the others. As I witnessed a rescued wild horse interact so deeply with this previously enslaved human, their silent gaze spoke volumes. Those gentle eyes whispered a secret, mysterious language that seemed to touch the core of Lilian's heart. There were no words to describe this emerging bond and connection, as it was just a felt sense.
Lilian and I ventured back up towards the big herd, looking for any signs of Paul, but deciding we could just stand by the roadside taking in some of the magical brumby energy, knowing that even a few minutes in their presence from a distance would be enough. As we stood by the fence in awe of the spectacular sight of the coloured brumbies against the ever-green backdrop, absorbing the serenity of the herd, Lilian was overtaken by a wave of emotion. She spoke of childhood memories with her grandfather in Bosnia. Her tears released something that appeared to have been buried within her heart for a long time. Just in at that moment, a man was herding the young brumbies from the other side of the road across to the main property. This must be Paul!
Lilian and I decided to explore this wild horse wisdom more deeply and embark on a soul-seeking journey to find a herd of once-wild horses. I was told there was a man named Paul Stepto, in the area of St Albans, northwest of Sydney, who had rescued a herd of wild brumbies, and they are roaming in their natural state on his private acreage. I was kindly directed by some friendly locals in the area as to which property was Paul’s, and Lilian and I decided to drive there. My intuition told me we would simply pull around a bend, and there they would be, grazing majestically in the green hills. And so, it was. There they were, the most beautiful and colourful herd of horses, nibbling peacefully in the lush fields, against the most dramatically stunning escarpment underneath a protective cover of feathery clouds. It was picture-perfect. “There they are,” I beamed, hardly containing my excitement. As we drove further, there were more bands of brumbies closer to the road on either side. We stopped the car, took a few breaths, and approached what appeared to be two small bachelor bands of yearling and weanling horses. Some of them approached the fence, the foals a bit leerier of our presence. A young colt conveyed his bravery with a whinny, pushing against the fence to get close to us, exploring our hands with his lips, and then our faces and hair. He was friendly and not afraid of people. Lilian was beaming, and my heart was truly ecstatic with joy.
Lilian seemed to connect with a more skittish youngster on the other side of the road. I watched quietly, keeping my distance, so as not to disturb the sacredness of their moment. He came to the fence but seemed a bit unsure of human touch at first. Lillian took her time with gentle out-breaths, which he seemed to appreciate. Before long, Lilian was giving him tender scratches on his neck, and he shooed the other yearlings away, clearly wanting Lilian all to himself. She noticed that he took some time to trust her, but she reflected on how nice it felt that he had chosen to stay with her, and he seemingly protected her from the others. As I witnessed a rescued wild horse interact so deeply with this previously enslaved human, their silent gaze spoke volumes. Those gentle eyes whispered a secret, mysterious language that seemed to touch the core of Lilian's heart. There were no words to describe this emerging bond and connection, as it was just a felt sense.
Lilian and I ventured back up towards the big herd, looking for any signs of Paul, but deciding we could just stand by the roadside taking in some of the magical brumby energy, knowing that even a few minutes in their presence from a distance would be enough. As we stood by the fence in awe of the spectacular sight of the coloured brumbies against the ever-green backdrop, absorbing the serenity of the herd, Lilian was overtaken by a wave of emotion. She spoke of childhood memories with her grandfather in Bosnia. Her tears released something that appeared to have been buried within her heart for a long time. Just in at that moment, a man was herding the young brumbies from the other side of the road across to the main property. This must be Paul!
The Brumby Man
We made our way over and introduced ourselves to Paul Stepto, and what a friendly man he was indeed. He generously invited us into the historic 800-acre property, owned by his family for generations, and now also home to a magnificent herd of brumbies. Paul introduced us to all the wild horses, one by one. For the next few hours, we had the privilege of walking on this sacred land, interacting closely with each mare, foal, colt and filly that would curiously approach the two astonished women, who gazed in wonderment at their remarkable magnificence. Paul warmly and excitedly shared his story. He had been a successful cricket player and towards the end of his sporting career, was based in the Snowy Mountains, near Kosciusko National Park. His interest in horses came alive through some encounters with the wild ones. This started a lifetime journey of advocating for the wild horses and investing his own resources into rescuing, training, and breeding. Paul’s admiration and adoration for the brumbies resonated in every word he shared. Paul spoke about his compassionate methods in interacting with the wild ones and about respecting what he called their being space, an invisible energy bubble which allowed the horses to maintain choice in how closely the human approaches. Allowing for this space also allowed for the emergence of acceptance and trust. It was self-evident that the horses trusted and respected Paul as much as he did them. Paul also expressed a love for poetry and was inspired to write over seven hundred poems about the brumbies and the Australian bush, inspired by ‘The Man from Snowy River’ by Banjo Patterson. We were intrigued and wanted to learn more about this mysterious brumby man.
We spoke at length about the plight of the wild horses in Australia, drawing parallels with the American mustangs and the dark politics, brutal treatment and divisiveness brought upon the horses by humans. We conversed about the legislated target in New South Wales to drastically reduce the number of wild horses through horrific aerial killings in the name of environmental preservation. We spoke of alternatives to culling, such as the adoption of the brumbies into therapeutic equine programs like those that I deliver across Australia to provide safe homes for horses while also helping people. Lilian agreed that there must be more humane ways to treat these regal creatures, to offer better protections, and to promote awareness of their wisdom and healing for humans. As the afternoon light shifted, the glorious sunrays beamed over the grasslands, and the curious foals frolicked with us playfully, while the watchful mares entrusted them in our care. The striking stallion took his pose in the centre, protecting his herd. This picturesque scene will be etched in our memories forever. Upon departure, Paul promised to send us an excerpt from one of his poems about the wild horses, and it just solidified that this experience was simply the most sacred gift that kept on giving.
We made our way over and introduced ourselves to Paul Stepto, and what a friendly man he was indeed. He generously invited us into the historic 800-acre property, owned by his family for generations, and now also home to a magnificent herd of brumbies. Paul introduced us to all the wild horses, one by one. For the next few hours, we had the privilege of walking on this sacred land, interacting closely with each mare, foal, colt and filly that would curiously approach the two astonished women, who gazed in wonderment at their remarkable magnificence. Paul warmly and excitedly shared his story. He had been a successful cricket player and towards the end of his sporting career, was based in the Snowy Mountains, near Kosciusko National Park. His interest in horses came alive through some encounters with the wild ones. This started a lifetime journey of advocating for the wild horses and investing his own resources into rescuing, training, and breeding. Paul’s admiration and adoration for the brumbies resonated in every word he shared. Paul spoke about his compassionate methods in interacting with the wild ones and about respecting what he called their being space, an invisible energy bubble which allowed the horses to maintain choice in how closely the human approaches. Allowing for this space also allowed for the emergence of acceptance and trust. It was self-evident that the horses trusted and respected Paul as much as he did them. Paul also expressed a love for poetry and was inspired to write over seven hundred poems about the brumbies and the Australian bush, inspired by ‘The Man from Snowy River’ by Banjo Patterson. We were intrigued and wanted to learn more about this mysterious brumby man.
We spoke at length about the plight of the wild horses in Australia, drawing parallels with the American mustangs and the dark politics, brutal treatment and divisiveness brought upon the horses by humans. We conversed about the legislated target in New South Wales to drastically reduce the number of wild horses through horrific aerial killings in the name of environmental preservation. We spoke of alternatives to culling, such as the adoption of the brumbies into therapeutic equine programs like those that I deliver across Australia to provide safe homes for horses while also helping people. Lilian agreed that there must be more humane ways to treat these regal creatures, to offer better protections, and to promote awareness of their wisdom and healing for humans. As the afternoon light shifted, the glorious sunrays beamed over the grasslands, and the curious foals frolicked with us playfully, while the watchful mares entrusted them in our care. The striking stallion took his pose in the centre, protecting his herd. This picturesque scene will be etched in our memories forever. Upon departure, Paul promised to send us an excerpt from one of his poems about the wild horses, and it just solidified that this experience was simply the most sacred gift that kept on giving.
What We Hold Within
On our drive back to Sydney, Lilian and I reflected on how the brumbies managed to endure their own enslavement, trapped and removed from their native lands, isolated from their herds. We spoke of the life of freedom they had always known, and how they must have journeyed through their healing path to trust humans and the world again. We conversed about freedom and how, although a part of you is taken away, the capacity to heal is always a power you hold within yourself. Lilian articulated how life-changing it was to experience the wild horses in the stillness and serenity of this idyllic setting, that sitting in the paddock with the mares and foals brought out her own inner child, with the sense of sheer calm outweighing everything else. She revealed that a weight had been released from her heart, and she was feeling a sense of relief, although she could not pinpoint, exactly, what it was, nor did it matter.
I remarked on a glowing lightness in Lilian’s face and voice. She seemed to radiate with elation, shining from within. I felt compelled to ask her, “How are you feeling?” “I’m happy!” she exclaimed, “and calm”. I was very eager to know, “What did the wild horses teach you?” Without hesitation, Lilian answered:
“They taught me that inner peace is priceless. We carry peace within ourselves, and we need to allow ourselves to feel it. No matter where we are in the world, peace is always within.”
Yes, indeed. Inner peace is priceless. So is freedom.
And no matter where we are, we hold them within. ~*~
On our drive back to Sydney, Lilian and I reflected on how the brumbies managed to endure their own enslavement, trapped and removed from their native lands, isolated from their herds. We spoke of the life of freedom they had always known, and how they must have journeyed through their healing path to trust humans and the world again. We conversed about freedom and how, although a part of you is taken away, the capacity to heal is always a power you hold within yourself. Lilian articulated how life-changing it was to experience the wild horses in the stillness and serenity of this idyllic setting, that sitting in the paddock with the mares and foals brought out her own inner child, with the sense of sheer calm outweighing everything else. She revealed that a weight had been released from her heart, and she was feeling a sense of relief, although she could not pinpoint, exactly, what it was, nor did it matter.
I remarked on a glowing lightness in Lilian’s face and voice. She seemed to radiate with elation, shining from within. I felt compelled to ask her, “How are you feeling?” “I’m happy!” she exclaimed, “and calm”. I was very eager to know, “What did the wild horses teach you?” Without hesitation, Lilian answered:
“They taught me that inner peace is priceless. We carry peace within ourselves, and we need to allow ourselves to feel it. No matter where we are in the world, peace is always within.”
Yes, indeed. Inner peace is priceless. So is freedom.
And no matter where we are, we hold them within. ~*~
With special thanks to:
Lilian (name changed for confidentiality) for embarking on this journey.
Isabelle, Gael and ‘cheeky’ Marley.
Greg and Mark, for your kind assistance.
Paul Stepto for your generosity and the priceless brumby herd for your wisdom.
All the survivors of slavery around the globe for your courage and resilience.
All the wild horses for the sense of inner peace and freedom you impart to humans.
Lilian (name changed for confidentiality) for embarking on this journey.
Isabelle, Gael and ‘cheeky’ Marley.
Greg and Mark, for your kind assistance.
Paul Stepto for your generosity and the priceless brumby herd for your wisdom.
All the survivors of slavery around the globe for your courage and resilience.
All the wild horses for the sense of inner peace and freedom you impart to humans.
**excerpt with permission from JAKE TELLER, NED (Vale: Paleface & Billy Jones) & HIS BRUMBY OUTLAWS: (MA) 191229 (c) P. Stepto 2019.
A note from Paul Stepto:
The Jake Teller, Ned & his Wild Brumby Outlaws collection is a mix of brumby tales including that felt / experienced whilst riding northern end of Kosciuszko National Park up until early 2009; that learnt & admired about the brumbies in my travels, the brumby characters I had often seen; then my day-to-day involvement working with my private mobs of brumbies a project to find good outcomes for them remaining together & safe.
A note from Paul Stepto:
The Jake Teller, Ned & his Wild Brumby Outlaws collection is a mix of brumby tales including that felt / experienced whilst riding northern end of Kosciuszko National Park up until early 2009; that learnt & admired about the brumbies in my travels, the brumby characters I had often seen; then my day-to-day involvement working with my private mobs of brumbies a project to find good outcomes for them remaining together & safe.
