CONFIDENT VULNERABILITY
A Key to Surviving and Thriving
By: Suzanne Carter, USA
Horses reflect something humans have forgotten. Horses know they need their herd in order to survive. We humans have this same need for belonging yet tend to focus on distractions that take us away from that connection. The way that horses live together reflects an almost magical dance of communication, connection and a willingness to be vulnerable.
My horse, Harmony, and I met 12 years ago. Her new home was to be a 1000-acre ranch. This ranch was the most beautiful piece of property I had ever set my feet on. In the Spring, there were wild Irises, gigantic columbines, Indian Paintbrush and every color of wildflower you could imagine. There was a stream that ran through the property with Winter run-off that quenched the horse’s thirst while cooling off a human hoof many a day. In the Summer, Harmony and I would walk through large fields of buzzing bees drinking the nectar from clover. In the Fall and Winter, the ranch afforded them a place to run free and not only survive the harsh Colorado winters, but to thrive together. The horses seemed to demonstrate a “confident vulnerability”, to walk the land together knowing that their survival depended on their connection to the land and to one another.
Harmony, came to me from The Thoroughbred Retirement Foundation in Lexington, KY. Although she is a great granddaughter of Secretariat, she was not destined to race as she suffered an injury as a yearling.
When Harmony arrived, the ranch manager thought that she should stay alone in an outdoor corral for at least five days. This was so she and her new herd could interact and get to know each other in a safe way. When new horses arrive to integrate with any kind of existing herd, the process can take many days or even weeks. Often the new horse stays on the outer edge of the herd until any sense of threat is dissipated and all feel safe together.
Harmony, came to me from The Thoroughbred Retirement Foundation in Lexington, KY. Although she is a great granddaughter of Secretariat, she was not destined to race as she suffered an injury as a yearling.
When Harmony arrived, the ranch manager thought that she should stay alone in an outdoor corral for at least five days. This was so she and her new herd could interact and get to know each other in a safe way. When new horses arrive to integrate with any kind of existing herd, the process can take many days or even weeks. Often the new horse stays on the outer edge of the herd until any sense of threat is dissipated and all feel safe together.
Dance of Communication and Connection
So, for the first day, I listened and kept her in the corral. But on the 2nd day, I could see that Harmony was not happy. My deepest knowing told me to let her be with the herd. So, with a bit of trepidation, I let her out into the herd that would become her new family. Initially, she walked slowly towards the other horses. She did not start galloping and acting like a “crazy horse”, as horses often do. After about 10 minutes, two geldings walked up to her. They seemed very interested and she let them sniff her.
This sniffing behavior is a way that horses connect with one another. In their willingness to allow this, they are communicating that they are open to this ‘magical dance’ of connection and communication. This dance has been one way that horses have survived and even thrived for thousands of years. The horse, as a prey animal, as opposed to a predator, has honed its ability to know who or what is safe and who or what must be avoided. A healthy horse is always connected to its own internal sense of safety. At the same time, it is also seeking out other horses to connect with since a horse is always safer when in community. The horse’s ability to first stay connected to itself and in turn sense what is safe, is a behavior that humans can learn from and most likely thrive by if emulated.
After about 5 minutes of this lovely “horse-greeting” behavior, the three of them walked out into the larger herd. The male horses walked on either side of her. Right away, a couple of horses tried to bite her and another one attempted to kick her. The two geldings stayed with her and stood on either side of her as all three walked towards her new family. They seemed to be protecting her. Perhaps, even escorting her. This ritual of sensing, connecting, and communicating seemed to reflect an amazing way that humans could use when they are meeting one another.
On the 4th day, I met another person who also had a horse that lived on this ranch and they remarked that it was beautiful the way these 2 male horses seemed to keep Harmony safe. Harmony and her new friends seemed to be connecting in a way that was beyond explanation. This person told me that their names were Avalanche and Comanche. For the next 5 weeks, every time I went to visit Harmony, Avalanche and Comanche were with her. They went everywhere side by side by side.
Harmony was never kicked or bitten by any of the herd. These two horses helped her become a very important member of this equine family. She lived in what seemed to be “perfect harmony” with the land and with the herd for 9+ years. The horses walked the land together, seeming to bless the earth with every hoof-fall. They created a community that was strong enough to withstand the challenges of the weather in the Winter. Together they could thrive in the late Spring through to the Fall, partaking of the bounty that this land provided for them.
So, for the first day, I listened and kept her in the corral. But on the 2nd day, I could see that Harmony was not happy. My deepest knowing told me to let her be with the herd. So, with a bit of trepidation, I let her out into the herd that would become her new family. Initially, she walked slowly towards the other horses. She did not start galloping and acting like a “crazy horse”, as horses often do. After about 10 minutes, two geldings walked up to her. They seemed very interested and she let them sniff her.
This sniffing behavior is a way that horses connect with one another. In their willingness to allow this, they are communicating that they are open to this ‘magical dance’ of connection and communication. This dance has been one way that horses have survived and even thrived for thousands of years. The horse, as a prey animal, as opposed to a predator, has honed its ability to know who or what is safe and who or what must be avoided. A healthy horse is always connected to its own internal sense of safety. At the same time, it is also seeking out other horses to connect with since a horse is always safer when in community. The horse’s ability to first stay connected to itself and in turn sense what is safe, is a behavior that humans can learn from and most likely thrive by if emulated.
After about 5 minutes of this lovely “horse-greeting” behavior, the three of them walked out into the larger herd. The male horses walked on either side of her. Right away, a couple of horses tried to bite her and another one attempted to kick her. The two geldings stayed with her and stood on either side of her as all three walked towards her new family. They seemed to be protecting her. Perhaps, even escorting her. This ritual of sensing, connecting, and communicating seemed to reflect an amazing way that humans could use when they are meeting one another.
On the 4th day, I met another person who also had a horse that lived on this ranch and they remarked that it was beautiful the way these 2 male horses seemed to keep Harmony safe. Harmony and her new friends seemed to be connecting in a way that was beyond explanation. This person told me that their names were Avalanche and Comanche. For the next 5 weeks, every time I went to visit Harmony, Avalanche and Comanche were with her. They went everywhere side by side by side.
Harmony was never kicked or bitten by any of the herd. These two horses helped her become a very important member of this equine family. She lived in what seemed to be “perfect harmony” with the land and with the herd for 9+ years. The horses walked the land together, seeming to bless the earth with every hoof-fall. They created a community that was strong enough to withstand the challenges of the weather in the Winter. Together they could thrive in the late Spring through to the Fall, partaking of the bounty that this land provided for them.
What can we learn from this?
Harmony was protected by Avalanche and Comanche in a way that almost seems impossible; or at least that is how this 2-legged perceived it. I believe that we can and must learn to be present to one another. Harmony and her protectors showed us how we can co-exist even when “strangers” are in our midst.
Here is how I see it. Harmony was vulnerable and things could have been very different when she met her new family. Somehow Comanche and Avalanche “knew” that she needed some support. As we humans are willing to show up in our vulnerability, there may be a Comanche and an Avalanche to help us. But we must first be willing to show up in a place of vulnerability. We often tend to be shy to show up in this openness. We have come to believe that ‘being’ in this way may not always appear safe, so we might lean towards either and act as if we are 'better than' or 'less than', but not equal to those around us. A defense mechanism of sorts.
When we believe that we are 'less than’, we often think our needs are unimportant, and we may act from a place of shame, knowing we have needs but there is no one to help. This is a victim stance. One way to think of victimhood is being without choice. Harmony did not show up like a victim. She approached the herd; she did not just stand by the corral. But she did not approach with grandiosity or like a “crazy horse”. In that moment she approached with “confident vulnerability”. Comanche and Avalanche came to her and became her protectors to support her until she was fully connected with the other horses.
If we show up in that confident vulnerability, which means showing up with a need, but also showing up with a belief that we deserve to have our needs met, then we often connect with others who want to support. Humans are wired to want to help!! Let me say that again, HUMANS ARE WIRED TO WANT TO HELP ONE ANOTHER!
Just imagine, if we give and receive when we can, just like Harmony, Avalanche and Comanche. What a different world this would be.
Here are 3 ways to begin to make our own little herd as healthy as Harmony’s herd was.
1.Communicate: When you have something to say, say it.
2.Connection: Horses know what we humans have forgotten. We need to stay connected to our herd to survive.
3. Be willing to be Vulnerable.
Let us be willing to learn from horses and walk gently upon our Mother Earth in “Confident Vulnerability”. The blessings that flow from this willingness are never-ending. We will find our courage to support and protect as Avalanche and Comanche did and to receive as Harmony did.~*~
Harmony was protected by Avalanche and Comanche in a way that almost seems impossible; or at least that is how this 2-legged perceived it. I believe that we can and must learn to be present to one another. Harmony and her protectors showed us how we can co-exist even when “strangers” are in our midst.
Here is how I see it. Harmony was vulnerable and things could have been very different when she met her new family. Somehow Comanche and Avalanche “knew” that she needed some support. As we humans are willing to show up in our vulnerability, there may be a Comanche and an Avalanche to help us. But we must first be willing to show up in a place of vulnerability. We often tend to be shy to show up in this openness. We have come to believe that ‘being’ in this way may not always appear safe, so we might lean towards either and act as if we are 'better than' or 'less than', but not equal to those around us. A defense mechanism of sorts.
When we believe that we are 'less than’, we often think our needs are unimportant, and we may act from a place of shame, knowing we have needs but there is no one to help. This is a victim stance. One way to think of victimhood is being without choice. Harmony did not show up like a victim. She approached the herd; she did not just stand by the corral. But she did not approach with grandiosity or like a “crazy horse”. In that moment she approached with “confident vulnerability”. Comanche and Avalanche came to her and became her protectors to support her until she was fully connected with the other horses.
If we show up in that confident vulnerability, which means showing up with a need, but also showing up with a belief that we deserve to have our needs met, then we often connect with others who want to support. Humans are wired to want to help!! Let me say that again, HUMANS ARE WIRED TO WANT TO HELP ONE ANOTHER!
Just imagine, if we give and receive when we can, just like Harmony, Avalanche and Comanche. What a different world this would be.
Here are 3 ways to begin to make our own little herd as healthy as Harmony’s herd was.
1.Communicate: When you have something to say, say it.
2.Connection: Horses know what we humans have forgotten. We need to stay connected to our herd to survive.
3. Be willing to be Vulnerable.
Let us be willing to learn from horses and walk gently upon our Mother Earth in “Confident Vulnerability”. The blessings that flow from this willingness are never-ending. We will find our courage to support and protect as Avalanche and Comanche did and to receive as Harmony did.~*~
