CALMNESS, CONNECTION, COMPASSION
One Breath at a Time
By: Judy Brightman, Australia
Who doesn’t want more of the qualities above in these challenging times? With awareness and presence, at any given time, we can quiet our minds, connect with our body, our felt sensations, our breath and meet all with a compassionate heart. We can choose this, states Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor in her recent book, “Whole Brain Living, The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life” (Hay House, 2021). Being in nature helps, being in right relationship too. Horses, in my experience, can lead us directly down this path. Walk with me.
Calmness: Creating Quiet and Space for Accessing Insight
The woman slumps, seemingly fragile, her body shudders, slightly. “What are you experiencing?” I ask. “I want to lean on him, but I don’t want to presume, to impose.” I check in with the horse; his energy and body language tell me he is comfortable with her presence and open to her touching him. I tell her and suggest she place her hand on his neck. She reaches tentatively, then places her palm; he sighs softly. She leans in, slowly placing her other hand on his shoulder; he stands solid. He is a big horse; her head is level with his withers, the bony prominence at the base of his neck. They share space, silently, for quite some time. I stand by. A grounded, embodied, calmly breathing presence. I feel in my body their somatic experience. I feel what is happening in their bodies, their nervous systems, sensing the waves, the warmth, the shifts, the release. She raises her head and shifts her weight back onto her own feet, still close to the horse who blinks, blows a soft breath, and slightly inclines his head to her. He is not a horse who makes grand gestures; he is subtle but clear.
She wipes the tears from her cheeks and sighs into a smile. “What a magnificent, generous soul”, she says. “It felt like he was encouraging me to lean more weight, that he had me, could and would hold me. It was beautiful and I realized I have never felt that support from people in my life. All those close to me lean on me for support.”
As we quietly process what she experienced, her insight and how she can use this to create the change she wants in her life and relationships, the big horse stands still with us. When we feel complete, he moves away toward the other horses and starts to graze.
A few days later she sends me a message. Walking to work that morning she stopped at a street crossing. Suddenly feeling dizzy, she reached her hand toward a tree for support. “The tree was Thomas” she said. “It wasn’t bark, it was smooth, soft skin and hair. I felt him, smelt him, heard him say ‘I’ve got you.” With that her dizziness vanished and she crossed the street with newfound joy, confidence and resolve for the day ahead.
This is one woman’s truth; the experience of a client who had come to me for several equine facilitated coaching sessions. Thomas, the big horse, has partnered with me for many years in this work. He is strong, sensitive, gentle, and generous. He does not choose to engage with all clients. When he does, nothing is insignificant. In his presence people slow down, become more mindful. His slow breaths moving his massive ribcage help people slow their breath in synchrony, calming. His more than 600kg (1350lbs) meets the earth through four large hooves, solid, steady and this helps people feel safe, feel grounded. These physical states help people quieten their minds and tune into their body, their heart, in the now. From this place insight and intuition become more accessible, dissolving barriers.
Thomas’s generosity is a trait I have experienced often in our shared years. My relationship with another special horse, a mare named Indigo Flame, taught me more about leadership of self and others than most training programs I had attended over the years. Her story is written elsewhere. How she came into my life, suffice it to say, she and I share a connection across time and space, a soul connection. Soul connection. What does that mean to you? How does it land in your body? Do you wish it to be true, but doubt its veracity? Does it feel a bit sentimental? Whimsical? Fantastical?
Perhaps. We humans seem to need evidence. Since philosopher, Des Cartes declared “I think, therefore I am” we have valued the rational, logical, and mental over the imaginal, sensory, and emotional. Yet to do this denies us access to richer experience as well as to much of our innate intelligence.
The woman slumps, seemingly fragile, her body shudders, slightly. “What are you experiencing?” I ask. “I want to lean on him, but I don’t want to presume, to impose.” I check in with the horse; his energy and body language tell me he is comfortable with her presence and open to her touching him. I tell her and suggest she place her hand on his neck. She reaches tentatively, then places her palm; he sighs softly. She leans in, slowly placing her other hand on his shoulder; he stands solid. He is a big horse; her head is level with his withers, the bony prominence at the base of his neck. They share space, silently, for quite some time. I stand by. A grounded, embodied, calmly breathing presence. I feel in my body their somatic experience. I feel what is happening in their bodies, their nervous systems, sensing the waves, the warmth, the shifts, the release. She raises her head and shifts her weight back onto her own feet, still close to the horse who blinks, blows a soft breath, and slightly inclines his head to her. He is not a horse who makes grand gestures; he is subtle but clear.
She wipes the tears from her cheeks and sighs into a smile. “What a magnificent, generous soul”, she says. “It felt like he was encouraging me to lean more weight, that he had me, could and would hold me. It was beautiful and I realized I have never felt that support from people in my life. All those close to me lean on me for support.”
As we quietly process what she experienced, her insight and how she can use this to create the change she wants in her life and relationships, the big horse stands still with us. When we feel complete, he moves away toward the other horses and starts to graze.
A few days later she sends me a message. Walking to work that morning she stopped at a street crossing. Suddenly feeling dizzy, she reached her hand toward a tree for support. “The tree was Thomas” she said. “It wasn’t bark, it was smooth, soft skin and hair. I felt him, smelt him, heard him say ‘I’ve got you.” With that her dizziness vanished and she crossed the street with newfound joy, confidence and resolve for the day ahead.
This is one woman’s truth; the experience of a client who had come to me for several equine facilitated coaching sessions. Thomas, the big horse, has partnered with me for many years in this work. He is strong, sensitive, gentle, and generous. He does not choose to engage with all clients. When he does, nothing is insignificant. In his presence people slow down, become more mindful. His slow breaths moving his massive ribcage help people slow their breath in synchrony, calming. His more than 600kg (1350lbs) meets the earth through four large hooves, solid, steady and this helps people feel safe, feel grounded. These physical states help people quieten their minds and tune into their body, their heart, in the now. From this place insight and intuition become more accessible, dissolving barriers.
Thomas’s generosity is a trait I have experienced often in our shared years. My relationship with another special horse, a mare named Indigo Flame, taught me more about leadership of self and others than most training programs I had attended over the years. Her story is written elsewhere. How she came into my life, suffice it to say, she and I share a connection across time and space, a soul connection. Soul connection. What does that mean to you? How does it land in your body? Do you wish it to be true, but doubt its veracity? Does it feel a bit sentimental? Whimsical? Fantastical?
Perhaps. We humans seem to need evidence. Since philosopher, Des Cartes declared “I think, therefore I am” we have valued the rational, logical, and mental over the imaginal, sensory, and emotional. Yet to do this denies us access to richer experience as well as to much of our innate intelligence.
Connection: Creating Safety and Understanding How We are in Relationship
“Our body is our subconscious mind,” Dr. Candace Pert told us in her book, “Molecules of Emotion: The Science Behind Mind-Body Medicine” (Scribner, New York, 1997). Horses remind us that much of our communication is non-verbal. Our mammalian bodies are like transmitters, both sending and receiving information continuously. Horses are fluent in this communication which, over years of creating increased barriers between us and the natural world, we have dulled or tuned out. This though is the language of safety. It is how our autonomic nervous system decides whether it needs to activate the fight/flight/freeze response or the rest & digest/calm & connect/tend & befriend response. This process is subconscious and rational thought can’t override it. Safety has become a buzz word in recent years in leadership circles since Google published a study showing that psychological safety is an essential ingredient in effective teams. I find a quick way to dissolve barriers to openness to equine facilitated training with corporate leadership teams, is an explanation of the neuroscience and neurobiology that underpins it. We explore, with the help of horses, how to use their full bodily intelligence to influence; power with, not power over.
A team from a fintech company has come to learn with the horses. After introductory discussions and herd observation, I invite them to connect with the horses. I observe two of them, CEO and COO, approaching the mare in the paddock. She turns away and puts more space between them, not a lot. She is not highly aroused, just making it clear she is not willing to let them into her personal space right now. They are intent on the task. They want to connect with her. They have a halter, they continue. This goes on for some time. They seem frustrated. I ask them what they are experiencing. What do they feel in their bodies? I take a deep breath into the belly and exhale loudly blowing like a horse. They laugh, then do the same. “Slow down” I say, “this is like a first date.” More laughter. I invite them to practice the somatic techniques demonstrated earlier: the deep belly breaths and longer exhales, engaging peripheral vision, grounding. Less tension in their bodies, less task focused, they again approach, this time with more curiosity, more connected to sensation and feeling than thinking. The mare turns towards them. She welcomes them into her space, greets them with her soft muzzle, nuzzling the backs of their offered, outstretched hands. Soon she is enjoying their gentle stroking of her neck, their smiles broad, more open, expansive. Joy. Wonder. They turn to me, expressions rapt. I tell them she would probably let them put the halter on now. They shake their heads, no. They say it would feel wrong now that she has gifted them her presence. “We don’t want to risk the relationship for the task now that she feels safe with us.” Yes! Lesson learned! As they walk back towards me, the mare chooses to come with them.
Our debrief provides rich discussion and valuable learning for these executives to take back into their relationships, both personally and professionally. They, and the rest of the corporate team who engaged with the herd that day, arrived with a considerable amount of skepticism. In the closing circle each person articulated a profound shift in attitude. Having experienced the felt sensation of relaxed awareness, using conscious breathwork and somatic techniques so their bodies communicated safety to the mare, the CEO and COO had effected a profound and immediate change in their relationship, and they took away the cellular memory of that to recreate the feeling as a resource. Their emotional farewell to this beautiful, graceful sentient being is profoundly touching. Their understanding of connection, to many things, has expanded.
“Our body is our subconscious mind,” Dr. Candace Pert told us in her book, “Molecules of Emotion: The Science Behind Mind-Body Medicine” (Scribner, New York, 1997). Horses remind us that much of our communication is non-verbal. Our mammalian bodies are like transmitters, both sending and receiving information continuously. Horses are fluent in this communication which, over years of creating increased barriers between us and the natural world, we have dulled or tuned out. This though is the language of safety. It is how our autonomic nervous system decides whether it needs to activate the fight/flight/freeze response or the rest & digest/calm & connect/tend & befriend response. This process is subconscious and rational thought can’t override it. Safety has become a buzz word in recent years in leadership circles since Google published a study showing that psychological safety is an essential ingredient in effective teams. I find a quick way to dissolve barriers to openness to equine facilitated training with corporate leadership teams, is an explanation of the neuroscience and neurobiology that underpins it. We explore, with the help of horses, how to use their full bodily intelligence to influence; power with, not power over.
A team from a fintech company has come to learn with the horses. After introductory discussions and herd observation, I invite them to connect with the horses. I observe two of them, CEO and COO, approaching the mare in the paddock. She turns away and puts more space between them, not a lot. She is not highly aroused, just making it clear she is not willing to let them into her personal space right now. They are intent on the task. They want to connect with her. They have a halter, they continue. This goes on for some time. They seem frustrated. I ask them what they are experiencing. What do they feel in their bodies? I take a deep breath into the belly and exhale loudly blowing like a horse. They laugh, then do the same. “Slow down” I say, “this is like a first date.” More laughter. I invite them to practice the somatic techniques demonstrated earlier: the deep belly breaths and longer exhales, engaging peripheral vision, grounding. Less tension in their bodies, less task focused, they again approach, this time with more curiosity, more connected to sensation and feeling than thinking. The mare turns towards them. She welcomes them into her space, greets them with her soft muzzle, nuzzling the backs of their offered, outstretched hands. Soon she is enjoying their gentle stroking of her neck, their smiles broad, more open, expansive. Joy. Wonder. They turn to me, expressions rapt. I tell them she would probably let them put the halter on now. They shake their heads, no. They say it would feel wrong now that she has gifted them her presence. “We don’t want to risk the relationship for the task now that she feels safe with us.” Yes! Lesson learned! As they walk back towards me, the mare chooses to come with them.
Our debrief provides rich discussion and valuable learning for these executives to take back into their relationships, both personally and professionally. They, and the rest of the corporate team who engaged with the herd that day, arrived with a considerable amount of skepticism. In the closing circle each person articulated a profound shift in attitude. Having experienced the felt sensation of relaxed awareness, using conscious breathwork and somatic techniques so their bodies communicated safety to the mare, the CEO and COO had effected a profound and immediate change in their relationship, and they took away the cellular memory of that to recreate the feeling as a resource. Their emotional farewell to this beautiful, graceful sentient being is profoundly touching. Their understanding of connection, to many things, has expanded.
Compassion: Love in Action Across Time and Space
That brings me back to Thomas and Indigo Flame. When Indigo Flame suffered a stroke in her 30th year it soon became clear that I must help her end this earth walk with as much ease and grace as possible. Love was already there in abundance. Her transition was a profound experience for all present. Two days later, grieving deeply for this soul mate who had taught me, and many others, so much, I was in the paddock with my love for her spilling out in my tears. Thomas was next to me. Suddenly I felt a shift in energy; I became very present; the air felt very still, heavy, and very hushed. My heart felt like it would burst. She was here! Her presence was palpable. Thomas had lowered his head and shut his eyes. He turned his neck and head in this trance-like state and held me close to his body in a horse hug, just as Indigo used to but he never had. She had taken over his body; the deep, husky nicker mares reserve for their foals, for those they love, emitted from him. She had come to hold me one more time, to show me that it was true; we were connected, and always would and could be. Across all time, space, dimension, and reality. It was exquisite and when she left, my consciousness was forever changed. Thomas, that generous soul, opened his eyes, shook all over, then walked off without a glance at me to graze. What a gift – from them both!
That brings me back to Thomas and Indigo Flame. When Indigo Flame suffered a stroke in her 30th year it soon became clear that I must help her end this earth walk with as much ease and grace as possible. Love was already there in abundance. Her transition was a profound experience for all present. Two days later, grieving deeply for this soul mate who had taught me, and many others, so much, I was in the paddock with my love for her spilling out in my tears. Thomas was next to me. Suddenly I felt a shift in energy; I became very present; the air felt very still, heavy, and very hushed. My heart felt like it would burst. She was here! Her presence was palpable. Thomas had lowered his head and shut his eyes. He turned his neck and head in this trance-like state and held me close to his body in a horse hug, just as Indigo used to but he never had. She had taken over his body; the deep, husky nicker mares reserve for their foals, for those they love, emitted from him. She had come to hold me one more time, to show me that it was true; we were connected, and always would and could be. Across all time, space, dimension, and reality. It was exquisite and when she left, my consciousness was forever changed. Thomas, that generous soul, opened his eyes, shook all over, then walked off without a glance at me to graze. What a gift – from them both!
One Breath at a Time: Choosing, In the Here and Now
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor explains what she has learned about our brain, calmness, connection, and compassion through her recovery from a stroke that took her left hemisphere completely offline. A Harvard neuroanatomist, Dr Bolte Taylor understood very well what was happening to her as her left hemisphere shut down over a few hours. Her TED talk on that went viral and her first book describes it in detail. (“My Stroke of Insight,” Viking, 2008)
Her recent work describes the four characters in our brain work and how we have choice in using them. She also shows how understanding that can help create more of the qualities needed now for a sustainable, kinder future. Character 1 is our left hemisphere planner, judge, organizer. Character 2 is our left hemisphere limbic system – our wounded child who tries to protect us by comparing current input to past experiences. Character 3 is our right limbic system where we access sensory experience in the here and now. The right cortical hemisphere, Character 4, connects us to everything; bliss, compassion, expansiveness, and where we lose any sense of our own self and boundaries. You might recognize these characters in the three stories I have shared here.
When we engage with horses as described here, slowing down, becoming present, we gain more access to characters 3 and 4, which have been less valued in modern society though prized in traditional wisdoms. Dr Bolte Taylor now chooses to engage her whole brain effectively, accessing characters 3 and 4 as much as possible, with a mission to get this message across the world. I choose this path too, guided by horses: calmness, connection, and compassion….one breath at a time. What do you choose?~*~
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor explains what she has learned about our brain, calmness, connection, and compassion through her recovery from a stroke that took her left hemisphere completely offline. A Harvard neuroanatomist, Dr Bolte Taylor understood very well what was happening to her as her left hemisphere shut down over a few hours. Her TED talk on that went viral and her first book describes it in detail. (“My Stroke of Insight,” Viking, 2008)
Her recent work describes the four characters in our brain work and how we have choice in using them. She also shows how understanding that can help create more of the qualities needed now for a sustainable, kinder future. Character 1 is our left hemisphere planner, judge, organizer. Character 2 is our left hemisphere limbic system – our wounded child who tries to protect us by comparing current input to past experiences. Character 3 is our right limbic system where we access sensory experience in the here and now. The right cortical hemisphere, Character 4, connects us to everything; bliss, compassion, expansiveness, and where we lose any sense of our own self and boundaries. You might recognize these characters in the three stories I have shared here.
When we engage with horses as described here, slowing down, becoming present, we gain more access to characters 3 and 4, which have been less valued in modern society though prized in traditional wisdoms. Dr Bolte Taylor now chooses to engage her whole brain effectively, accessing characters 3 and 4 as much as possible, with a mission to get this message across the world. I choose this path too, guided by horses: calmness, connection, and compassion….one breath at a time. What do you choose?~*~
